How We Went From 0 to 4 Kids in 68 Days

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[SPEAKER_04]: We go it from zero to four kids and 68 days and that's true.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We don't know anybody else who's had that experience.

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[SPEAKER_04]: That's not that whole experience.

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[SPEAKER_04]: It don't expect that no one should expect that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We took care of the baby that night and her mom had gotten out of prison the night before came to the hospital and told her you were going to keep this child.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Probably the hospital.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, probably one of those devastating things I've still experienced to the state.

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[SPEAKER_04]: It was really logical, everybody was super supportive.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was really logical.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was really logical.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They all thought we were crazy.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Nicole thought I was crazy.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So even though the court said no, the Lord said yes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Welcome to Pact with Purpose, a Care Package and Bound podcast.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Care Package inbound exists to deliver hope to the foster community.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And listening to this podcast, you can be part of that hope.

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[SPEAKER_03]: My name is Chris Youngdale, I'm joined by Jessica Sylvie.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Hello.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Today's episode, you guys is going to be a journey.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I want you to imagine for a minute that you leave your house in the morning, no plans, and you come back that night with a new born baby in your arms.

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[SPEAKER_03]: That's not a movie.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Actually, that is real life, and our guests today are Ben and Nicole Long.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Welcome, you guys.

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[SPEAKER_03]: They are foster parents, and I'm really excited to be able

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[SPEAKER_03]: Welcome.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

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[SPEAKER_03]: How are you guys feeling?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Feeling great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That is happy to be here.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: We're really excited to have you guys and dive into this.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think today's discussion can be just really impactful for our listeners.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And you guys have a really unique story too.

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[SPEAKER_03]: It is not super common, which is one thing that we're going to dive into in a little bit.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But tell us a little bit more about yourself.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We have eight kids still, still have eight kids.

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[SPEAKER_04]: It's still, though.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are you talking about that?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because we're like six, eight, how many?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like that?

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[SPEAKER_04]: No.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We still have eight.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Once in college, the youngest is seven.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So right now, they're all in school, or at least they should be in school.

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[SPEAKER_04]: They're not.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And we'll find out later.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So five of them are adopted through foster care, three of them are biological.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was three.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I wasn't sure.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I had a whole bunch of jump.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I felt really good about that one.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Nice.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Now, you had said that you had adopted through foster care.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So tell us a little bit.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Let's go back to the very beginning, is fostering or adopting something that you always wanted to do.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_04]: For me, I would say always, but since I was like 14, 13 years old, I would say that's all I was going to do.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's just a long time.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, really, really pretty soon after I became a Christian really.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I would say after it was baptized and chose to follow Jesus, I would say that.

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[SPEAKER_04]: in that timeline is where yeah, I felt like God just laid up on my heart.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I always loved like working with kids at church and being a part of camps and doing things like that.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And just I felt like God just laid up on my heart.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Hey, let's adopt.

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[SPEAKER_04]: You're going to adopt.

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[SPEAKER_04]: That's that's something you're going to do and it felt like that since I was in middle school.

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[SPEAKER_04]: In fact, I have friends who like, you know, 30 years later would say, yeah, that was been long and he's doing what he said he would do it.

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[SPEAKER_04]: 14, we thought he was crazy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, my husband knew you when you were that age too.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's true.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so yeah, they're talking, they always talk about how you guys all were when you were teenagers.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And between that Nick Graham, like, all those different people.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's good.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But what about you, Nicole?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, where did that story start?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I...

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[SPEAKER_01]: always had a love for kids.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I grew up babysitting and became a teacher in college.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was always open to it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But when we started dating and talked about it, it wasn't even a question.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We were like, we're going to stop.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And

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[SPEAKER_01]: We don't know what that's going to look like, but both open to it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So, and it was funny, because we both, we both, baby, sat like groups of four kids when we were 12, 13, 14, and so we were like, okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We've always had a lot for kids, having a lot of experience, so we're like, whatever God brings our way in.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Boy, did we not know what he was going to bring our way?

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[SPEAKER_04]: Well, ironically, it was four boys.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We each were like, we need this.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We need to babysat four boys each and we have six boys.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So, so Lord knew something there to give us a little bit of preparation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I was going to ask, I was like, did you know how many like kids you're going to have?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because your hashtag is one of my favorite things in the world.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's hashtag more enjoy less sleep.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Which is so rough.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So, yeah, did you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I always wanted, I think I usually said four.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And I said four, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And I said 10.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, see, even though he's at six to eight.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I was at 10 at one point, six to eight.

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[SPEAKER_04]: She claims that I said six to eight.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But I was 10, but I was 10.

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[SPEAKER_02]: He got six to eight.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Six to eight.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Don't say that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's officially done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're so old.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My seven year old said that mom, it's done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's done.

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[SPEAKER_03]: It's done.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So adopting to something that's always been on your guys as hard than it sounds like which is amazing.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So did you immediately like right from the get go?

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[SPEAKER_03]: We're going to adopt and just is that your pursuit or did you start with foster care?

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[SPEAKER_03]: So we started with adoption, that was definitely our first pursuit.

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[SPEAKER_04]: In fact, we started with that even over the pursuit of like biological children.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So we started with, we believed that it was best for our family or God wanted us to adopt first and foremost that our oldest kids would be adopted kids.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So we started in that direction.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We actually started when we were missionaries, so to speak, worked with the church and Haiti, and that's where we kind of began the journey.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Wow.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But we were too young, at least in the laws at that time, to adopt for Haiti, took us a while to figure that out.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But like we visited what three, I think three different orphanages, which is obviously pretty humbling, sad, very challenging to walk into those orphanages and then to walk out of those orphanages.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we even had a couple families literally come to us with our kids and say, could you take them back with you?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's true.

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[SPEAKER_03]: That did happen sometimes in Haiti, with several.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Man, that's really heavy, that's that's hard stuff.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so that was that's hard to watch.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, sure.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Did that make your resolve strengthen or did you like kind of stumble a little bit when you couldn't immediately adopt?

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[SPEAKER_04]: And I think frustrated would probably be good word to use.

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[SPEAKER_04]: That was probably worth that would use a lot.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Me, probably me more than you, I would say.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But the resolve was not.

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[SPEAKER_04]: It was a given.

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[SPEAKER_04]: It was like something that was gonna happen.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't think our resolve was ever that we weren't gonna do it.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I think there was a lot of times where it was like,

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[SPEAKER_04]: Why is this not working?

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[SPEAKER_04]: Why is this not working out?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Why of fire?

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[SPEAKER_04]: These not the kids were supposed to adopt.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Or is this opportunity not working out?

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[SPEAKER_04]: So, because how old were you guys in hating then?

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[SPEAKER_03]: 22.

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[SPEAKER_01]: 22.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think it was older.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There's like 25 and 25 or 23-ish.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So, okay.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So, mid-20s.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And then you come back to the United States and then you're continually pursuing adopting like still at that point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We found this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: adoption agency.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was called Angel adoption that we pursued.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think we signed a two-year contract to adopt a new we only they only had a new warm program and so we signed on there and probably got matched with 15 different birth moms had to that got.

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[SPEAKER_01]: farther one in particular we spent five months with the with the couple getting to know them they lived in Michigan.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You did right Detroit and which is part of Michigan got a phone

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We got a phone call when she was in labor and drove down there and helped her labor and we took care of the baby that night and her mom had gotten out of prison the night before came to the hospital and told her you were going to keep this child.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I raised you at this age and they kicked us out of the room and it was.

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[SPEAKER_00]: probably hospital yeah probably one of those devastating things I've still experienced to this day was horrible I don't think a lot of people know that because like they see your family and they see like how often you guys because I remember watching you guys like on Facebook and they're like we adopted another

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[SPEAKER_00]: and we're like, oh, this is, you know, and I think that they almost think that it was easy for you, but like, there's definite, there's struggles, and there's times I think that you said it earlier where, you're like, why is this hard?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I feel cold to this thing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Why is it not coming through?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I've found in my life, and I wanna see if this is the same thing in yours that we, we,

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[SPEAKER_00]: We know that God's call is not direction, but he's holding back a blessing that we don't understand.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes that's for a greater blessing, sometimes that's so that we can grow into the blessing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, do you feel like that's the same way?

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[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I mean, I think it just depends.

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[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I mean,

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[SPEAKER_04]: Obviously, you look at the Scriptures, we know that God ordains, directs, and changes the path on a lot of things.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But there's also a lot of things that just happen.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And I don't know that it could be God.

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[SPEAKER_04]: It may not be God, right?

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[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know that God had that mom walking to have that failed adoption.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But it feels like he might have been involved in that one just because

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[SPEAKER_04]: It was so distinct and so unique.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, she had been in jail for quite a long time and they didn't even know she was out.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I think the birth parents didn't know.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And so it feels like there was definitely a hand in that for sure.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, when you're over the, when you're not over, but when you've healed to a certain degree from that devastation, it's much easier to look and to see, obviously it's ways your look back and see.

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[SPEAKER_04]: But in the midst of it, it's very difficult sometimes.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, our biological son,

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[SPEAKER_04]: Our oldest biological son was actually conceived two days after that happened in that grief.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So, and his name is me, you know, praise and thanks, his name is Jude.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So, that was, I felt like that was the Lord almost being like, I see you.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I'm aware of your pain.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I'm aware of your hurt.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Here's, you know.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like we were really intentional in that hurt to just continue to say like praise God.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we're gonna praise him.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We don't understand, but he's still good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that was such a blessing to be

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[SPEAKER_01]: Bring that, you know, two people, yeah, there was a lot of people watching.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, what happened?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, for sure.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And then we just, you know, we just keep moving forward.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Because our contract continued and we ended up getting matched with another mom who actually signed over her rights to us before she had the baby, which is, which is pretty rare.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And then when she went in the hospital, she just, we never heard from her again.

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[SPEAKER_04]: So that one just kind of ended really abruptly.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And it was just, it was just, you know, and that was, and Nicole was pregnant at that point.

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[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know, four months.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, months.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So yeah, I mean that is a lot.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, this is

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[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, hard, obviously, probably to rethink some of the stories and like you just said in a call like you're, I'm sure Ben, you still are kind of dealing with this and kind of working through the emotions of all of those stories.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that that puts us in a position where, you know, maybe you guys are in a position where you can relate so well to a lot of foster kids out there that do feel that like,

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[SPEAKER_03]: I had this, and then I lost it, and kind of this abandonment or this hope of something that didn't come, which is such a hard thing to live out, for sure.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But at the same time, I feel like what kind of a blessing that God can use you to relate in that way.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And so not saying, like, hey, great that you went through it, and so happy, but I think to the point of God can still use it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So whether He ordained it, like, was the orchestrator of it?

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[SPEAKER_03]: If we trust him, he can still use it.

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[SPEAKER_04]: He always responds.

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[SPEAKER_03]: He always responds.

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[SPEAKER_04]: Whether he's ordained it or he didn't.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We don't know, but we always, we know that he always responds.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We see that in scripture.

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[SPEAKER_04]: We see that in our own lives and other people's lives.

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[SPEAKER_04]: And that's the good news.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

12:12.455 --> 12:15.801
[SPEAKER_04]: Because, you know, you can sit around in question why, but it's, it's, it's.

12:16.135 --> 12:17.196
[SPEAKER_04]: mostly it's not useful.

12:17.657 --> 12:23.604
[SPEAKER_04]: It could be useful maybe, it may be useful for your own grieving, but in growth and development, yeah, yeah, push into it.

12:23.664 --> 12:31.453
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but like I think you just touched on it as you were intentional during that time, I was in God is still good and still getting more to him.

12:31.753 --> 12:35.778
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think what that is is understanding the character of God and that's so important.

12:35.818 --> 12:37.300
[SPEAKER_00]: It's something that

12:37.280 --> 12:46.934
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I feel like when I've gone through deep times of grief in my life, that I can look back and be like, oh my gosh, God is still good because I know his character.

12:47.876 --> 12:52.202
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's so nice to know that we can rely on that, you know?

12:52.222 --> 12:59.693
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and I think sometimes people view, and I don't want to jump ahead, but I think sometimes it's unfortunate that people view foster care and adoption.

12:59.673 --> 13:02.419
[SPEAKER_04]: In such a negative light like it's interesting.

13:02.439 --> 13:03.942
[SPEAKER_04]: They know that it's hard, right?

13:04.162 --> 13:16.467
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, but the interesting thing is there's a lot of people and this this happened to us as well It's hard to get pregnant or it's hard to have a child like some people have a lot of miscarriages and so hopefully people understand that

13:16.447 --> 13:18.570
[SPEAKER_04]: just thinking, oh, well, foster getting adoption.

13:18.590 --> 13:19.572
[SPEAKER_04]: That's too hard for me.

13:19.592 --> 13:23.418
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like, well, I mean, having four miscarriages, that's really, really hard.

13:23.778 --> 13:29.628
[SPEAKER_04]: Do the way you choose to grow grow your family or the way you choose to serve and have kids come into your home.

13:30.048 --> 13:30.789
[SPEAKER_04]: It's all hard.

13:30.910 --> 13:32.051
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, your parent is hard.

13:32.192 --> 13:32.672
[SPEAKER_00]: Very hard.

13:32.712 --> 13:32.993
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

13:33.113 --> 13:33.514
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

13:33.554 --> 13:35.637
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's so, you know, let's,

13:35.617 --> 13:41.089
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't give up on that hope if you're if you're thinking about it because you think it's going to be hard It is going to be hard.

13:41.129 --> 13:41.690
[SPEAKER_03]: That's okay.

13:42.011 --> 13:46.861
[SPEAKER_03]: You were talking through adoption And now we've kind of switched into foster care.

13:46.881 --> 13:53.575
[SPEAKER_03]: So you had this Desire this hope I would say even those calling to a adopt and now all of a sudden.

13:54.117 --> 13:55.279
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, we've got to pivot

13:55.259 --> 13:57.722
[SPEAKER_03]: And now we're talking about foster care.

13:57.762 --> 14:00.726
[SPEAKER_03]: So tell us a little bit about that transition that switch.

14:01.026 --> 14:03.429
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, we had really good friends who went to our church.

14:03.449 --> 14:05.151
[SPEAKER_04]: We came really good friends with their in our life group.

14:05.171 --> 14:05.972
[SPEAKER_04]: They were fostering.

14:06.373 --> 14:09.177
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think they just kind of gradually encouraged us.

14:09.597 --> 14:11.119
[SPEAKER_04]: They knew we really wanted to adopt.

14:11.840 --> 14:14.123
[SPEAKER_04]: Our contract was running out with angel adoption.

14:14.183 --> 14:18.588
[SPEAKER_04]: We were frustrated and felt like this wasn't the path for whatever reason.

14:18.849 --> 14:22.313
[SPEAKER_04]: And so we just were like, okay, I guess we'll be foster parents.

14:22.293 --> 14:39.981
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, it wasn't like some, I don't feel like there was like an epiphany that there was moments where I felt like there was these little breadcrumbs where it felt like the Lord was like trying to tell us to go that direction from different people who were communicating with us, I remember going to see the fingerprint guy and he said something that I was like.

14:39.961 --> 14:49.018
[SPEAKER_04]: Oh, okay, then it was that there was these kids who he started about kids who were in different homes and they can't come together in one house And that was like a theme.

14:49.099 --> 14:56.653
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't even we don't even know if they were talking about oral oral just three kids, but there was three different people who didn't know each other who talked about

14:56.633 --> 15:12.330
[SPEAKER_04]: kids in two different houses who need to come to one house because they're siblings and that was ironically what that's that's what happened with our oldest three um so that that theme felt like the Lord just kind of say hey I got something here for you I'm here I got something that's really special so

15:12.310 --> 15:14.292
[SPEAKER_04]: So you're going to be, yeah.

15:14.312 --> 15:15.073
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's good.

15:15.093 --> 15:17.094
[SPEAKER_03]: So you guys started doing foster classes.

15:17.315 --> 15:17.415
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

15:17.435 --> 15:22.339
[SPEAKER_03]: And you had to take classes, which was probably kind of just a weird thing.

15:22.379 --> 15:23.881
[SPEAKER_03]: Want to hear a little bit more about that.

15:23.961 --> 15:26.883
[SPEAKER_03]: But I want to kind of talk about like the mindset in those classes.

15:26.943 --> 15:29.626
[SPEAKER_03]: We had we had talked offline a little bit about this.

15:30.066 --> 15:40.296
[SPEAKER_03]: And Nicole, you had said some things that that kind of stood out about the mindset of how people come into fostering versus what they actually need.

15:40.316 --> 15:41.777
[SPEAKER_03]: You want to riff on that a little bit.

15:41.757 --> 15:43.479
[SPEAKER_01]: And we didn't really know what to expect to.

15:43.719 --> 15:47.784
[SPEAKER_01]: We were on a lot of people that were there to get kids.

15:48.064 --> 15:51.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Like they were like, this is how we're going to start our family.

15:51.508 --> 15:59.476
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think one of the biggest things I learned from the classes is they said, you are here to take care of the kids, not to take the kids.

15:59.937 --> 16:05.503
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was like that really hit me so hard, which is funny because

16:05.483 --> 16:14.911
[SPEAKER_01]: of how our situation came out, but just I was a mindset shift for me, like we are here to help these kids and to minister these kids.

16:14.972 --> 16:23.419
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think a lot of people come in and they are concerned and really more thinking about themselves and it's really about the kids.

16:23.840 --> 16:27.543
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we had heard a lot of people say, oh, I could never do that.

16:27.583 --> 16:29.064
[SPEAKER_01]: I could never give the kids back.

16:29.144 --> 16:35.490
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're like, well, it's

16:35.470 --> 16:39.337
[SPEAKER_01]: I just think a lot of people are thinking of themselves instead of the kids.

16:39.418 --> 16:39.678
[SPEAKER_01]: So.

16:40.159 --> 16:43.345
[SPEAKER_04]: I think it was good for us because our experience in our background.

16:43.385 --> 16:45.610
[SPEAKER_04]: We like work to boys and girls club.

16:45.650 --> 16:48.515
[SPEAKER_04]: We work to after school care as we looked at all these different places.

16:48.575 --> 16:50.699
[SPEAKER_04]: We served in an inner city in Chicago in areas.

16:50.739 --> 16:53.665
[SPEAKER_04]: And so I think for us that we just.

16:53.645 --> 16:54.748
[SPEAKER_04]: God naturally prepared us.

16:54.828 --> 16:58.999
[SPEAKER_04]: In fact, I would say we actually kind of fostered four kids when we were in college.

16:59.380 --> 17:01.727
[SPEAKER_04]: Really when we were young married.

17:01.807 --> 17:04.173
[SPEAKER_04]: We had we became really good friends with a family.

17:04.595 --> 17:07.081
[SPEAKER_04]: I was a single mom through boys and girls club.

17:07.101 --> 17:09.949
[SPEAKER_04]: We sort of I would argue we kind of fostered them in like a.

17:09.929 --> 17:12.494
[SPEAKER_04]: respite sense like we would take them for weekends.

17:12.514 --> 17:13.557
[SPEAKER_04]: They would come over to our house.

17:13.877 --> 17:16.663
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean our apartment their mom was in the hospital for a day.

17:16.823 --> 17:17.625
[SPEAKER_04]: So we would take them.

17:17.986 --> 17:18.086
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

17:18.106 --> 17:24.018
[SPEAKER_04]: So you know, I think for us that was probably a little bit easier You know, even though we obviously were going into foster care hoping to adopt.

17:24.058 --> 17:24.660
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, sure for sure.

17:24.680 --> 17:29.710
[SPEAKER_04]: Like that was our intention But we didn't intend to just adopt every kid that we got but

17:30.145 --> 17:31.487
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, I ended up happening.

17:31.507 --> 17:33.551
[SPEAKER_02]: But you guys have a last question.

17:33.571 --> 17:47.935
[SPEAKER_03]: Which is such a unique story, which I want to get you here in just a second, but what you had just said, I think is really important to stick on for just a moment because of the mindset of somebody coming into foster care.

17:48.100 --> 17:49.764
[SPEAKER_03]: it's not about you.

17:49.784 --> 17:50.866
[SPEAKER_03]: It's about the kids.

17:51.708 --> 17:53.953
[SPEAKER_03]: That's really, really important.

17:54.334 --> 17:59.264
[SPEAKER_03]: I know so many individuals that would like to start a family.

18:00.146 --> 18:06.400
[SPEAKER_03]: And they're just, and they're incredible people, but they're just like, I exactly what you just said, I don't think I could give them back.

18:06.520 --> 18:08.404
[SPEAKER_03]: I just, I couldn't do that.

18:08.384 --> 18:10.287
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, well, what's the motive?

18:10.587 --> 18:19.559
[SPEAKER_03]: Are we here to bless and to speak into and to be a place of rest and peace and comfort as much as we can to this child in a very difficult time?

18:19.699 --> 18:19.919
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

18:19.939 --> 18:30.393
[SPEAKER_03]: Where they're dealing with a lot of trauma, of mentally emotional, potentially physical, unfortunately, and how can we welcome them in to them?

18:30.554 --> 18:31.675
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not about us.

18:31.655 --> 18:42.538
[SPEAKER_03]: Although I believe that when you approach it and that light, you actually are blessed yourself, I think that you receive so much from that is difficult as it is.

18:43.359 --> 18:46.566
[SPEAKER_03]: What I'd be right in kind of saying that is that your shared experience.

18:46.646 --> 18:47.588
[SPEAKER_03]: Totally.

18:47.568 --> 18:50.494
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it can be such a ministry opportunity.

18:50.534 --> 19:01.978
[SPEAKER_01]: You're helping a family like heal and get back to, you know, you're giving these parents chances to get back on their feet, maybe they've had some setbacks and trauma of their own.

19:02.299 --> 19:02.860
[SPEAKER_01]: And

19:02.840 --> 19:07.107
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that was the attraction with our friends as they saw it as a ministry.

19:07.187 --> 19:11.494
[SPEAKER_01]: They had so many kids come through their home and they were like, we're here to help.

19:11.935 --> 19:16.603
[SPEAKER_01]: The parents were here to help the kids and just help them heal and be a place of respite.

19:16.643 --> 19:18.486
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that was really cool to see.

19:18.466 --> 19:21.191
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and you have to have, you have to have enough to know your own boundaries.

19:21.251 --> 19:22.793
[SPEAKER_04]: No where that looks like for you.

19:22.833 --> 19:25.258
[SPEAKER_04]: That's really important if you want to be a foster parent.

19:25.338 --> 19:25.959
[SPEAKER_04]: Is to know that.

19:26.259 --> 19:29.605
[SPEAKER_04]: You know, some people don't want certain ages because maybe they already have kids.

19:29.745 --> 19:35.395
[SPEAKER_04]: Let's say, but I do think there's mistakes that people make going in thinking.

19:35.375 --> 19:36.416
[SPEAKER_04]: I just want newborns.

19:36.837 --> 19:41.964
[SPEAKER_04]: And it's like, well, the newborn need is not as high and it's very rare to get a newborn.

19:42.064 --> 19:43.586
[SPEAKER_04]: It's not as common, right?

19:43.606 --> 19:44.928
[SPEAKER_04]: There's more need elsewhere.

19:45.028 --> 19:49.574
[SPEAKER_04]: And so figuring out where you're comfortable and how that works is really, really hard.

19:49.594 --> 19:51.356
[SPEAKER_04]: And the reality is it's going to leave scars.

19:51.376 --> 19:54.420
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, you're going to have scars that are going to come from it without question.

19:54.480 --> 19:58.986
[SPEAKER_04]: But again, if it's not about you, if it's about serving kids and understanding that, you know,

19:58.966 --> 20:22.881
[SPEAKER_04]: 90% of all, I don't know if this statistic is still accurate, but 90% of all kids who age at a foster care, like, are either dead on the street in jail or, like, basically essentially a prostitute, you know, traffic, human trafficking of some kind, you're talking about potentially saving lives by doing that from a literal standpoint, absolutely, and, and obviously God can use them beyond that, even that difficulty if they have that.

20:22.861 --> 20:23.702
[SPEAKER_04]: that they aged out.

20:23.742 --> 20:26.945
[SPEAKER_04]: But it's, you know, you can be a person who saved lives.

20:27.105 --> 20:30.389
[SPEAKER_04]: And at the same time, you can be greatly blessed, usually blessed.

20:30.649 --> 20:33.452
[SPEAKER_00]: So I feel like this is all coming back to a stewardship.

20:33.472 --> 20:41.239
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, that's something with my own children that I always, there's like, I'm actually just just a steward right now because there aren't actually ours.

20:41.620 --> 20:52.851
[SPEAKER_00]: And so even when it comes to stewardship over the short time that we have with our foster kids, it's very much so,

20:52.831 --> 21:00.601
[SPEAKER_00]: and just even with what in that store in the Bible itself is like you had the two obedient servants that were able to multiply the blessing.

21:01.001 --> 21:05.006
[SPEAKER_00]: Are we gonna bury our blessing in the ground and hope that it multiplies now?

21:05.026 --> 21:05.847
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't work that way.

21:05.927 --> 21:13.877
[SPEAKER_00]: So just the stewardship of continuing to use what we have been given for the time that we have it before we have to give it back.

21:13.857 --> 21:20.887
[SPEAKER_00]: And in foster care, that's one thing in our own children that we get to keep forever adopted or biological or otherwise.

21:21.047 --> 21:27.216
[SPEAKER_00]: And our own lives and our finances and everything, to be able to hold that with a hand of this isn't actually mine.

21:27.236 --> 21:29.098
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a blessing that I've been giving to multiply.

21:29.138 --> 21:29.879
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

21:29.899 --> 21:32.343
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's only way, I feel like very comforting, you know?

21:32.523 --> 21:32.763
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

21:33.204 --> 21:33.685
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

21:33.705 --> 21:34.145
[SPEAKER_00]: So, yeah.

21:34.165 --> 21:34.506
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

21:34.526 --> 21:36.709
[SPEAKER_04]: And I think if you have, like, for us,

21:36.689 --> 21:39.356
[SPEAKER_04]: we would be way better foster parents now than we were then.

21:39.677 --> 21:44.350
[SPEAKER_04]: And one of the reasons is because we have a 23-year-old, right, who's left our house, who is in college.

21:44.491 --> 21:46.617
[SPEAKER_04]: And so we've had that experience.

21:46.677 --> 21:48.963
[SPEAKER_04]: And so the steward, we've stewarded that time.

21:49.645 --> 21:50.688
[SPEAKER_04]: It's very minimized now.

21:50.708 --> 21:51.711
[SPEAKER_04]: You know what?

21:51.691 --> 22:14.695
[SPEAKER_04]: that like empty nesters would be the best foster parents that they should just I wish the church would just go after empty nesters in a crazy way and get them to especially foster teenagers because they're not like young parents who tend to be more we if you're a young parent if you don't have teenagers and you're about to have teenagers you tend to be more overreactive kind of by every situation and when you've had teenagers for a while or when you've

22:14.675 --> 22:35.721
[SPEAKER_04]: us should then into adulthood like empty nesters have they're not gonna freak out as much of a 14 year old who slams the door six times the first that you can go to room because they're like why are you I had that and then we'll call it I mean you have a lot more than we need to should be fostered or go yes yes yes especially in the church got us in the foster care their parents

22:35.701 --> 22:37.404
[SPEAKER_01]: fostered our youngest.

22:37.645 --> 22:38.105
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

22:38.586 --> 22:40.250
[SPEAKER_01]: We just thought that was so cool for like, wow.

22:40.670 --> 22:41.011
[SPEAKER_01]: You're good.

22:41.031 --> 22:42.053
[SPEAKER_04]: They're amazing.

22:42.093 --> 22:45.018
[SPEAKER_04]: They're like, and they're probably in their 60s.

22:45.680 --> 22:48.104
[SPEAKER_04]: And they're fostering two, three kids at a time.

22:48.325 --> 22:48.465
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

22:48.485 --> 22:51.030
[SPEAKER_04]: Because that's how they want to use their retirement.

22:51.250 --> 22:51.551
[SPEAKER_04]: So just.

22:51.571 --> 22:52.713
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, he's still a pastor.

22:52.793 --> 22:53.514
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's still a pastor.

22:53.554 --> 22:53.995
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

22:54.216 --> 22:55.498
[SPEAKER_01]: That's really cool.

22:55.597 --> 23:01.009
[SPEAKER_03]: So we've said that you guys are foster parents, but that term probably doesn't technically apply to any more.

23:01.029 --> 23:10.531
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not actively fostering in you guys have kind of a unique situation where every single child that you fostered you were able to adopt.

23:10.571 --> 23:12.475
[SPEAKER_03]: So just a little bit more about that.

23:12.758 --> 23:14.280
[SPEAKER_04]: that that's not normal.

23:14.320 --> 23:14.921
[SPEAKER_04]: That's right.

23:14.981 --> 23:16.242
[SPEAKER_04]: That's not normal experience.

23:16.262 --> 23:18.525
[SPEAKER_04]: It don't expect that no one should expect that.

23:18.545 --> 23:22.189
[SPEAKER_04]: If you want to be a foster parent, do not expect that you're going to adopt every kid that comes to your house.

23:22.209 --> 23:24.172
[SPEAKER_04]: We don't know anybody else who's had that experience.

23:24.492 --> 23:30.039
[SPEAKER_04]: So for us, I think that we were in our first foster care training class.

23:30.179 --> 23:34.705
[SPEAKER_04]: And one of our oldest child right now, his name Zion, his name was Bo at the time.

23:34.865 --> 23:37.628
[SPEAKER_04]: His foster mom was teaching our class.

23:37.768 --> 23:42.394
[SPEAKER_04]: And so she was passing around these books, these booklets that are, I have to

23:42.678 --> 23:45.763
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, no, it's it's like a memory book.

23:45.823 --> 23:50.610
[SPEAKER_04]: It was basically like pictures at you.

23:50.790 --> 23:51.491
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like a life book.

23:51.611 --> 23:52.813
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's really cool.

23:52.993 --> 23:59.623
[SPEAKER_04]: It's it's It's some some organizations do it and they were acquired of foster parents to basically put pictures of whatever.

23:59.603 --> 24:00.884
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:00.924 --> 24:01.645
[SPEAKER_01]: What are we talking about?

24:01.665 --> 24:02.706
[SPEAKER_01]: What are we talking about?

24:02.726 --> 24:03.667
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:03.687 --> 24:04.468
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:04.488 --> 24:05.109
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:05.189 --> 24:06.350
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:06.390 --> 24:07.151
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:07.211 --> 24:07.951
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:07.991 --> 24:09.113
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:09.133 --> 24:10.334
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:10.354 --> 24:11.575
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:11.595 --> 24:12.516
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:12.596 --> 24:14.138
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:14.158 --> 24:15.059
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:15.199 --> 24:16.000
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:16.040 --> 24:16.720
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:16.740 --> 24:17.741
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:17.761 --> 24:18.742
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:18.883 --> 24:20.104
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:20.624 --> 24:21.645
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:21.886 --> 24:22.526
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:22.566 --> 24:23.427
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:23.467 --> 24:24.208
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:24.268 --> 24:25.469
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:25.489 --> 24:26.310
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:26.330 --> 24:27.231
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:27.571 --> 24:29.273
[SPEAKER_04]: What are we talking about?

24:29.253 --> 24:40.246
[SPEAKER_04]: And so we basically started a relationship with them, that the parents, with the intention of like, I don't want to say arranging it, but being available for this specific need.

24:40.326 --> 24:46.113
[SPEAKER_04]: Court happened and they were intending to say, hey, we're going to direct these three kids to come into one home.

24:46.193 --> 24:48.996
[SPEAKER_04]: And so who is going to be willing to take them in the foster parents over there?

24:49.036 --> 24:50.418
[SPEAKER_04]: We're not able to do that.

24:50.438 --> 24:52.240
[SPEAKER_04]: Court decided not to do that.

24:52.439 --> 24:53.540
[SPEAKER_04]: We were really confused.

24:54.141 --> 24:56.625
[SPEAKER_04]: We thought, oh my goodness, we thought, this is what the Lord wants us to do.

24:56.885 --> 25:02.632
[SPEAKER_04]: The next day, I was praying, and I felt like the Lord said, hey, there's still these three kids are still coming to your house.

25:02.652 --> 25:05.256
[SPEAKER_04]: You need to prepare the way and you need to show your faithfulness.

25:05.436 --> 25:11.043
[SPEAKER_04]: So we bought three car seats that were the exact fit for all three of these kids in the coalware to target.

25:11.064 --> 25:12.285
[SPEAKER_04]: We bought a van that we didn't need.

25:12.345 --> 25:13.927
[SPEAKER_04]: The coal was seven months pregnant.

25:13.947 --> 25:15.229
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's like our little Noah's Ark.

25:15.609 --> 25:19.054
[SPEAKER_04]: And we just said, okay, the Lord said that the Lord told Ben that they're coming.

25:19.034 --> 25:20.417
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that so much.

25:20.678 --> 25:21.861
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you gotta be ready.

25:22.382 --> 25:23.565
[SPEAKER_04]: Seven and a half months pregnant.

25:23.605 --> 25:24.467
[SPEAKER_04]: It was really logical.

25:24.587 --> 25:25.710
[SPEAKER_04]: Everybody was super supportive.

25:25.730 --> 25:27.053
[SPEAKER_04]: It was really logical.

25:27.073 --> 25:27.394
[SPEAKER_01]: It was not true.

25:27.414 --> 25:28.336
[SPEAKER_01]: They all thought we were crazy.

25:28.436 --> 25:29.920
[SPEAKER_04]: I didn't call thought I was crazy.

25:29.980 --> 25:31.303
[SPEAKER_04]: She was like, what are we doing then?

25:31.443 --> 25:35.874
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I was doing what went to Target and about the, the car seats.

25:35.934 --> 25:37.718
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, okay.

25:37.698 --> 25:41.884
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so then our testimony of submission to leadership, though.

25:41.904 --> 25:42.224
[SPEAKER_00]: Good job.

25:42.264 --> 25:43.085
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

25:43.305 --> 25:44.547
[SPEAKER_04]: And seven and a half months for again.

25:45.148 --> 25:45.528
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

25:45.568 --> 25:45.989
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:46.630 --> 25:48.152
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:48.192 --> 25:48.672
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:48.833 --> 25:49.113
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:49.193 --> 25:49.594
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:49.694 --> 25:49.894
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:49.974 --> 25:50.295
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

25:50.335 --> 25:51.316
[SPEAKER_04]: So that was pretty scary.

25:51.716 --> 25:55.822
[SPEAKER_04]: But within that time period, I think like a week or two after he was born.

25:56.503 --> 26:01.309
[SPEAKER_04]: So in the same week, this is a hundred percent true in the same week.

26:01.289 --> 26:11.404
[SPEAKER_04]: We got licensed and had a two week old both families got job offers at churches that were out of state which means their foster kids can't come with them and they need to place to go.

26:11.925 --> 26:17.394
[SPEAKER_04]: So even though the court said no, the Lord said yes and wow, you know, the rest is kind of history.

26:17.454 --> 26:21.800
[SPEAKER_04]: We always joke that we have we quit from zero to four kids and 68 days and that's true.

26:22.061 --> 26:26.628
[SPEAKER_04]: There's people who have asked us before, what is it like to have so many kids go from one to two and like we don't really know.

26:26.648 --> 26:26.908
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know.

26:26.888 --> 26:29.452
[SPEAKER_04]: We don't have, yeah, the experience was very, very short.

26:29.832 --> 26:37.583
[SPEAKER_04]: And what our oldest one was in our house for about what a month, four weeks before his two younger siblings came and that was a party for him.

26:37.643 --> 26:41.869
[SPEAKER_04]: He was like, what the heck, what are they doing here?

26:41.949 --> 26:42.309
[SPEAKER_04]: This was great.

26:42.329 --> 26:43.411
[SPEAKER_04]: It was just me and this baby.

26:43.451 --> 26:44.733
[SPEAKER_04]: And now I got these other things.

26:44.753 --> 26:47.997
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like I know the rules are crazy.

26:48.258 --> 26:56.389
[SPEAKER_04]: So then after that, our journey kind of started from there, it was really crazy adventure because we ended up in a competing adoption situation that ended up in court,

26:56.369 --> 26:59.692
[SPEAKER_04]: that whole experience is like a lifetime movie that just is hard to even under.

27:00.213 --> 27:00.613
[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.

27:00.633 --> 27:06.419
[SPEAKER_00]: So, uh, lifetime movie, uh, interview the ones that we've had several social workers tell us that you guys should have.

27:06.439 --> 27:09.662
[SPEAKER_00]: That would be such a good movie.

27:09.682 --> 27:10.383
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love it.

27:10.403 --> 27:11.243
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love it.

27:11.383 --> 27:12.044
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love it.

27:12.064 --> 27:13.285
[SPEAKER_00]: I would love it.

27:13.305 --> 27:14.186
[SPEAKER_04]: I would love it.

27:14.206 --> 27:16.168
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, they weren't home for three and a half years before they were adopted.

27:16.528 --> 27:16.949
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

27:17.069 --> 27:18.731
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

27:18.851 --> 27:19.151
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

27:19.571 --> 27:22.114
[SPEAKER_03]: So you went from one biological.

27:22.694 --> 27:22.835
[SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.

27:22.855 --> 27:24.556
[SPEAKER_03]: Now you have four in your home.

27:24.676 --> 27:25.397
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

27:25.765 --> 27:46.761
[SPEAKER_04]: then one night you get a call or a morning you get a call from somebody like walk us through this well it's crazy we had we had a miscarriage because really sad and after that happened we felt we both felt like this is this wasn't the normal experience for us but independently we actually both prayed and felt like the Lord wanted us to open another spot in our home.

27:46.741 --> 27:49.165
[SPEAKER_04]: Um, which is we were virtual in that for foster care.

27:49.365 --> 27:49.986
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, soon.

27:50.447 --> 27:51.428
[SPEAKER_04]: It had closed then.

27:51.488 --> 27:53.071
[SPEAKER_04]: So you guys technically weren't open.

27:53.391 --> 27:56.857
[SPEAKER_04]: So you know, we had you have to be licensed for a certain number of children.

27:57.017 --> 28:00.722
[SPEAKER_04]: And so we went to him and said, hey, we'd like to open up our home to another child.

28:00.783 --> 28:03.687
[SPEAKER_04]: We would prefer it to be a baby because our youngest is.

28:03.667 --> 28:04.148
[SPEAKER_04]: What?

28:04.168 --> 28:05.310
[SPEAKER_04]: Two or three at the time?

28:05.331 --> 28:19.701
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and at that time they would call you and so you would let them know like this is what we would be open to if you need a kid to have a home and so we at at the time we had four We were not on that call list gotcha

28:19.681 --> 28:22.725
[SPEAKER_04]: But then we, we, we, we, we, we, we, and then we open at that car.

28:22.785 --> 28:23.005
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

28:23.025 --> 28:23.285
[SPEAKER_04]: Call us.

28:23.325 --> 28:29.052
[SPEAKER_04]: We're actually going to court for our other, our three oldest kids for foster care.

28:29.352 --> 28:32.756
[SPEAKER_04]: We're going to one of the many court sessions we went to, probably like 15 or 20.

28:33.557 --> 28:38.523
[SPEAKER_04]: And on the way there, they called me and said, there's a newborn baby boy at the hospital.

28:38.923 --> 28:40.265
[SPEAKER_04]: Would you be willing to come take him?

28:40.305 --> 28:41.667
[SPEAKER_04]: And I was like, yeah, let's go.

28:41.827 --> 28:43.569
[SPEAKER_04]: And Nicole, how'd you feel about that a little differently?

28:43.609 --> 28:45.591
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I was in the car.

28:45.791 --> 28:47.794
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in, we were separate.

28:47.934 --> 28:48.034
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

28:48.014 --> 28:49.757
[SPEAKER_01]: because, okay, separate cars.

28:49.817 --> 28:50.658
[SPEAKER_01]: We are separate cars.

28:50.678 --> 28:51.279
[SPEAKER_04]: It's coming from work.

28:52.040 --> 28:58.250
[SPEAKER_01]: And he calls me, and I think in this happened twice with another situation.

28:58.390 --> 29:01.355
[SPEAKER_01]: I literally, I think had a panic attack for about 15 minutes.

29:01.395 --> 29:04.740
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just like, oh my goodness, thinking of all the logistics.

29:04.940 --> 29:07.003
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, just this piece came over me.

29:07.164 --> 29:08.706
[SPEAKER_01]: And we were both like,

29:08.973 --> 29:09.614
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

29:09.634 --> 29:09.895
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

29:09.915 --> 29:10.496
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

29:10.677 --> 29:11.999
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to step into this.

29:12.220 --> 29:12.340
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

29:12.360 --> 29:23.744
[SPEAKER_04]: So we went to court and then we drove to the hospital and our four children at home, which weren't our all of ours yet because they were through three foster and one biological and Nicole's mom were all there and they didn't know and they when we left.

29:23.764 --> 29:24.866
[SPEAKER_04]: We didn't have a baby when we came home.

29:24.886 --> 29:25.568
[SPEAKER_04]: We did have a baby.

29:26.189 --> 29:28.534
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and you know what we picked up.

29:28.514 --> 29:40.932
[SPEAKER_04]: And the only way you guys do it is so, so important, but we picked up our son who would become our son, Asher, from the hospital, he had nothing, so we left the hospital with just him.

29:41.233 --> 29:43.416
[SPEAKER_01]: Perhaps they had a car seat for him.

29:43.436 --> 29:47.482
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I think, or maybe we had one, we had to have one, just in case we needed.

29:47.502 --> 29:48.463
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't, I think we had one.

29:48.483 --> 29:49.525
[SPEAKER_04]: Did we go pick up?

29:49.545 --> 29:51.448
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, because Jude, we would have had Jews.

29:51.468 --> 29:51.568
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

29:51.548 --> 30:08.909
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the thing that we do we talked about and really wrestled with a long time when we had we started carepacage inbound because like when we first started carepacage inbound on the backpacks I was I was doing a daycare and so my idea behind it was all of these children that were coming into my care and I was a respite worker and I was able to take care of them.

30:09.170 --> 30:20.003
[SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to try to provide for them and they were five and under you know but the more I talked about creating these backpacks and the more social workers I talked to they were like

30:19.983 --> 30:31.638
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we kind of swivelled for a while and we are like, okay, we really need to take care of our teenagers and down to five because the normal age of children going into foster care for the first time is between five and seven.

30:32.339 --> 30:35.383
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you have your teenagers and they are desperately needing those supplies.

30:35.483 --> 30:41.731
[SPEAKER_00]: But now, now we're getting into hospitals and we're seeing all of the need for younger children.

30:41.751 --> 30:46.277
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're actually in the research times right now with trying to research.

30:46.257 --> 30:50.426
[SPEAKER_00]: for age four all the way down to Primi, which is actually 14 different sizes of bags.

30:50.686 --> 30:51.848
[SPEAKER_00]: Just so you know, wow.

30:51.949 --> 30:56.197
[SPEAKER_00]: So that, because you have to do from Primi all the way to 18 months, you have to size up every two months.

30:56.318 --> 30:56.618
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.

30:56.738 --> 30:56.999
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

30:57.139 --> 30:59.544
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's a lot of research that goes into that.

30:59.985 --> 31:06.358
[SPEAKER_00]: But we were talking to a couple different foster parents and there's such like a flux between it.

31:06.338 --> 31:09.686
[SPEAKER_00]: And some of them were like, oh, no, foster parents that are expecting a baby.

31:09.706 --> 31:14.356
[SPEAKER_00]: We already have all the supplies we're ready and then we've talked to people like you and quite a few others.

31:14.496 --> 31:22.795
[SPEAKER_00]: They say, hey, we only got this child because we had their older sibling and they asked if we were to take them or we were open to it, but we weren't expecting it at the time.

31:22.775 --> 31:32.846
[SPEAKER_00]: And then additionally, we've heard recently where there's a lot of young teenage girls that are pregnant and so they'll get a bag, but then their baby doesn't have one.

31:32.886 --> 31:34.247
[SPEAKER_00]: And so now we're getting to that point.

31:34.267 --> 31:37.490
[SPEAKER_00]: We're actually making sure that we're very purposeful about these bags.

31:37.510 --> 31:40.534
[SPEAKER_00]: We want to make sure that our standards is high as they can get.

31:40.574 --> 31:42.856
[SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting getting your perspective.

31:42.896 --> 31:46.740
[SPEAKER_00]: It's because we have her both sides, where sometimes you just pick up a baby and you're like,

31:48.037 --> 31:48.839
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a baby.

31:48.859 --> 31:50.903
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:50.943 --> 31:51.584
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:51.604 --> 31:51.825
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:51.845 --> 31:51.965
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:52.205 --> 31:52.987
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for that.

31:53.067 --> 32:00.402
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if that is something we really struggled with, like, where do we make sure that all of our funding is the most purposefully used?

32:00.502 --> 32:04.370
[SPEAKER_00]: We're very, very intentional about that and what we do.

32:04.410 --> 32:08.037
[SPEAKER_00]: And so your story is one of the reasons that

32:08.017 --> 32:30.126
[SPEAKER_00]: we want to make sure that that baby feels loved and that those parents feel like the foster parents the bio families and the social workers they all get impacted by this as well because they can send that baby with okay here's something to get them through or I don't have to panic in this moment I can bond with this child you know well yeah because talking through the panic attack right you're in the car you're thinking through

32:30.106 --> 32:33.851
[SPEAKER_00]: Like at least come and diaper like a wig that is right.

32:33.871 --> 32:37.175
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that bag would be I think a big relief of okay.

32:37.195 --> 32:39.158
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't have to stress about the next 48 hours.

32:39.198 --> 32:40.440
[SPEAKER_03]: At least we have something.

32:40.600 --> 32:41.161
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

32:41.361 --> 32:45.647
[SPEAKER_03]: Something for this newborn because you're already dealing with a lot of emotions.

32:45.767 --> 32:46.328
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

32:46.348 --> 32:51.234
[SPEAKER_03]: Then you deal with your family right of like surprise.

32:51.795 --> 32:55.380
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, you might not get much sleep that night because the baby is up.

32:55.400 --> 32:58.003
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a new environment like you're dealing with all of that.

32:57.983 --> 33:00.387
[SPEAKER_03]: Tell me a little bit more about like how did your family react?

33:00.787 --> 33:17.494
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean my mom was definitely shocked for sure of course holding him she was like all right instantly and love but yeah it was it was hard It shocked me to shock the system to everybody right and it's so abnormal because most people

33:17.930 --> 33:36.883
[SPEAKER_04]: They have nine months to prepare for the baby to arrive and to feel very about it and you do a baby shower and a lot of stuff like our two youngest adopted boys they didn't we didn't have a baby shower for them right we didn't have events for them nobody knew they were coming and both of them had nothing really let me pick them up with the hospital they just had the clothes that were on their

33:36.863 --> 33:37.624
[SPEAKER_04]: We were lucky.

33:37.684 --> 33:38.945
[SPEAKER_04]: We have a lot of boys.

33:39.606 --> 33:45.711
[SPEAKER_04]: So we had a lot of this stuff already, but we have a really good support network and our family and our church has always been really supportive.

33:45.791 --> 33:47.994
[SPEAKER_04]: But a lot of people may not have that.

33:48.194 --> 33:51.437
[SPEAKER_04]: And so the bag would be super helpful.

33:51.477 --> 33:57.302
[SPEAKER_04]: Like you said, do at least have something for two or three days to make you feel like, okay, I can take a brief deep breath and just take care of this baby.

33:57.342 --> 33:58.223
[SPEAKER_01]: Just look at the baby.

33:58.824 --> 34:00.786
[SPEAKER_01]: And we did this not once.

34:01.206 --> 34:01.807
[SPEAKER_01]: But twice.

34:01.927 --> 34:03.208
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, twice.

34:03.779 --> 34:05.181
[SPEAKER_01]: twice, twice a day.

34:05.201 --> 34:07.464
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a second time, it was like surprise again.

34:07.524 --> 34:10.288
[SPEAKER_01]: I had the panic attack again.

34:10.308 --> 34:18.460
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember walking to the church taking his older brother to preschool, and I just ran up to my friend and hugged her and started bawling.

34:18.560 --> 34:20.022
[SPEAKER_01]: She's like, what's wrong?

34:21.124 --> 34:27.072
[SPEAKER_01]: We just got another phone call that Asher has a baby brother at the hospital, and they called us.

34:27.713 --> 34:29.736
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and they called us and said, come get him.

34:29.716 --> 34:42.129
[SPEAKER_04]: And we weren't, we weren't foster parents then, so we had to actually go back all through the classes and do everything which in Kansas, originally we were in Missouri and we were licensed in Missouri.

34:42.410 --> 34:44.957
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, so in that sense, we actually only

34:44.937 --> 34:50.284
[SPEAKER_04]: we did what I would say not to do, which is we were just, we just licensed to adopt foster adopt.

34:50.684 --> 34:52.667
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, it was our licensing, but it's so great.

34:52.707 --> 34:53.568
[SPEAKER_04]: The classes are amazing.

34:53.608 --> 34:58.054
[SPEAKER_04]: If every parent had to go through the classes in America, you would have, there would be so much better parents.

34:58.074 --> 35:03.621
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think we're going to, you are, as we started talking about the earlier, but you have to have a fire skate plan.

35:03.841 --> 35:06.385
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to have a tornado plan.

35:06.445 --> 35:10.590
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to have smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.

35:10.570 --> 35:16.559
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean all things that are really good to have anyways and so we were thankful to go back through it.

35:16.720 --> 35:20.926
[SPEAKER_04]: And they just teach you a ton about it what it means to be a parent and reactive parenting.

35:21.007 --> 35:24.212
[SPEAKER_04]: And they, you know, they'll teach you through all these different parenting classes, but it's just really good.

35:24.232 --> 35:27.617
[SPEAKER_04]: It just makes you think to be a little bit more intentional about your parenting.

35:27.597 --> 35:31.221
[SPEAKER_04]: Because, you know, there's no guidebook that comes at the baby when you go to the hospital and have a baby, right?

35:31.741 --> 35:36.646
[SPEAKER_04]: Well, when you're a foster parent, you actually kind of get a little bit of a guidebook, which is really, really helpful.

35:36.866 --> 35:39.228
[SPEAKER_04]: So it was helpful to us as parenting all of our children.

35:39.268 --> 35:39.469
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

35:39.549 --> 35:41.370
[SPEAKER_04]: Not just our fostered adoptive children.

35:41.591 --> 35:46.155
[SPEAKER_03]: Probably ways to entools to navigate through like emotional challenges.

35:46.255 --> 35:46.395
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

35:46.415 --> 35:51.440
[SPEAKER_03]: For your child is acting out in this certain way, like, you know, maybe this is the cause of that.

35:51.460 --> 35:51.560
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

35:51.580 --> 35:57.486
[SPEAKER_03]: Or ask these questions or give space or don't give space or whatever those tools might be.

35:57.466 --> 35:59.830
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a big proponent for trauma-informed care.

35:59.890 --> 36:00.491
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

36:00.511 --> 36:09.785
[SPEAKER_00]: I definitely think that there needs to be more education on trauma-informed care specifically within schools and any kind of children-oriented service work.

36:09.805 --> 36:10.326
[SPEAKER_00]: Totally.

36:10.567 --> 36:24.148
[SPEAKER_00]: Because even children that don't necessarily have the separation trauma, I'm finding like, especially in elementary schools and stuff, when you have that knowledge of the trauma-informed care,

36:24.128 --> 36:27.092
[SPEAKER_00]: you're able to spot out trauma easier as well.

36:27.132 --> 36:32.059
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think would be catching more cases, especially more educated in that, so on and so forth.

36:32.079 --> 36:36.085
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you have the time, it doesn't cost very much.

36:36.386 --> 36:41.673
[SPEAKER_00]: If anything, I highly recommend to go out and get just take a class on trauma.

36:41.813 --> 36:45.779
[SPEAKER_00]: It will help you not only with your own personal relationships with other people.

36:45.799 --> 36:48.102
[SPEAKER_00]: It will also help when you're relating to children.

36:48.163 --> 36:54.051
[SPEAKER_00]: It will help you with your own trauma because like we all have a little bit of a

36:54.031 --> 36:56.413
[SPEAKER_00]: So, yeah, highly, highly recommended.

36:56.713 --> 37:04.300
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the biggest things we had learned from the classes and I think from one of our therapists, is she said, all behavior is communication.

37:04.360 --> 37:06.783
[SPEAKER_01]: And all the body trying to communicate.

37:06.803 --> 37:07.944
[SPEAKER_01]: That was so huge.

37:08.124 --> 37:12.288
[SPEAKER_01]: And so instead of being like, I'm so frustrated, why are you acting like this?

37:12.348 --> 37:14.610
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, okay, what, Dean, are you tired?

37:14.730 --> 37:16.972
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, our younger one this morning.

37:17.492 --> 37:18.934
[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't sleep very well last night.

37:19.194 --> 37:20.055
[SPEAKER_01]: You're really tired.

37:20.195 --> 37:23.818
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have more patients with you

37:23.798 --> 37:45.773
[SPEAKER_01]: like with a foster kid, are you missing your your mom and you don't even know it like one of oh man one at one time are uh 12 year old now he he was upset about something and I was like what's wrong and he was like I miss my mom but I don't even know her and like that was

37:46.411 --> 37:46.852
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

37:47.233 --> 37:48.978
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was really hard to swallow.

37:49.038 --> 37:58.844
[SPEAKER_01]: And just, you know, being more patient and processing with the more instead of getting mad about the behavior, you know, because there's something behind it always.

37:58.884 --> 38:00.728
[SPEAKER_03]: That's with every child, right?

38:00.909 --> 38:02.272
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes, absolutely.

38:02.353 --> 38:03.255
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, there's

38:03.235 --> 38:11.989
[SPEAKER_03]: If we would just as parents maybe stop and breathe, relationships, parenting, period, this isn't normal behavior.

38:12.129 --> 38:13.972
[SPEAKER_03]: There's probably a deeper reason.

38:14.073 --> 38:14.954
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's not about me.

38:15.034 --> 38:16.156
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's not about me.

38:16.316 --> 38:16.657
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

38:16.677 --> 38:21.064
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe we just, you know, put our guard down a little bit and ask some questions.

38:21.224 --> 38:22.426
[SPEAKER_03]: That's really powerful.

38:22.526 --> 38:22.747
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

38:22.767 --> 38:22.967
[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

38:23.047 --> 38:27.314
[SPEAKER_03]: That's really hard to think through like, I miss my mom, but I don't even know her.

38:27.595 --> 38:28.416
[SPEAKER_03]: Like that.

38:28.818 --> 38:29.820
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, yeah.

38:29.840 --> 38:40.619
[SPEAKER_04]: And they've done studies that show the infants who have really hard pregnancies actually show like PTSD symptoms as like young children or yes teenagers.

38:41.080 --> 38:43.845
[SPEAKER_04]: And this could be this could be someone's biological child, right?

38:43.885 --> 38:44.586
[SPEAKER_04]: You could have a pilot.

38:44.626 --> 38:52.260
[SPEAKER_04]: You could have a really hard pregnancy that's your biological child and later on you could be experiencing some of these trauma things with your child and you wouldn't

38:52.240 --> 39:14.451
[SPEAKER_04]: you're just like what's wrong with my kid and it's like well actually they had a really hard six month pregnancy you remember how hard it was you just don't think of that but the brain is affected by that because the cortisol levels and the mom things like that that go up based on the pregnancy and as as uh the you know the parents over these children so many times how many times we're our child is struggling with something and we tend to over-criticize how we've parented them

39:14.431 --> 39:20.341
[SPEAKER_00]: And knowing my wrong, I think it's good to reflect on how you learn and adjust on how you parent and constantly learn.

39:20.862 --> 39:24.548
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's sometimes that we have to be like, you know what, it's not about me.

39:24.969 --> 39:27.173
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just have to be consistent in loving them.

39:27.994 --> 39:32.582
[SPEAKER_00]: And like we, you know, we talked about God a lot because he's the core of everything we do.

39:32.743 --> 39:33.604
[SPEAKER_00]: But

39:33.584 --> 39:46.719
[SPEAKER_00]: So much of our parenting is to try to reflect that never-changing love on our kids, you know, so that they can have a basis because right now, like the idea of God for an adult is mind-blowing for a child.

39:46.739 --> 39:47.600
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no concept.

39:47.620 --> 39:48.401
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no basis.

39:48.822 --> 39:57.111
[SPEAKER_00]: So how are they going to understand what never-changing love is if we're not reflecting that in a traditional, yeah,

39:57.091 --> 39:58.392
[SPEAKER_01]: Make mistakes every day.

39:58.492 --> 40:00.274
[SPEAKER_01]: So everyone has to say, well, we are.

40:00.374 --> 40:01.575
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, not to do that.

40:01.615 --> 40:01.876
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

40:01.916 --> 40:03.898
[SPEAKER_00]: That is one thing with my kids every once in a while.

40:04.058 --> 40:05.019
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I did it the other day.

40:05.059 --> 40:06.320
[SPEAKER_00]: I love my daughter so much.

40:06.340 --> 40:07.501
[SPEAKER_00]: But she's type of glycemic.

40:07.521 --> 40:10.344
[SPEAKER_00]: And she was having this panic attack because she couldn't eat.

40:10.364 --> 40:13.247
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we had to get her something to eat with the thing that I gave her.

40:13.307 --> 40:14.108
[SPEAKER_00]: She didn't really want.

40:14.368 --> 40:16.210
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was mad of her for not being reasonable.

40:16.290 --> 40:18.632
[SPEAKER_00]: And an unreasonable mindset at the end of the day.

40:18.652 --> 40:24.398
[SPEAKER_00]: I went by when I was like, I'm sorry that I was mad at you because you couldn't think right.

40:24.378 --> 40:26.662
[SPEAKER_00]: It was this whole same important.

40:26.702 --> 40:29.065
[SPEAKER_00]: But take accountability for our own mistakes, too.

40:29.266 --> 40:29.787
[SPEAKER_04]: For sure.

40:29.827 --> 40:30.828
[SPEAKER_04]: We battle with our kids.

40:31.089 --> 40:33.933
[SPEAKER_04]: A couple of our kids really would struggle at times to want to go to school.

40:34.414 --> 40:35.436
[SPEAKER_04]: At times, periodically.

40:35.556 --> 40:39.202
[SPEAKER_04]: One thing we began to observe was a couple of our boys.

40:39.742 --> 40:41.485
[SPEAKER_04]: And sometimes it's happened with our daughter, too.

40:41.766 --> 40:47.455
[SPEAKER_04]: Actually, it was almost always around a lot of travel by one of us being gone.

40:47.615 --> 40:52.022
[SPEAKER_04]: And so what we actually figured out was it, it wasn't that they didn't want to go to school.

40:52.002 --> 41:15.192
[SPEAKER_04]: they actually just wanted to hang out with us and so what we learned was we would just sit with them for 30 minutes or an hour and they'd be late to school and read a book with them and then they and then sometime in that time period they would usually go okay I'm ready to go to school and they actually just wanted to hang out with mom and dad and obviously we didn't have a lot of kids that's even harder so yeah like Nicole said you don't know what they're trying to communicate to you and it's so hard to try to figure that out I mean I don't know what she's trying to communicate to me half the time

41:15.172 --> 41:20.947
[SPEAKER_04]: But like you said, it's important to reflect.

41:21.128 --> 41:27.725
[SPEAKER_04]: You still have to invoke discipline and lead your children to want to be obedient and understand what that means and appropriate behavior.

41:27.765 --> 41:31.375
[SPEAKER_04]: But yeah, you're trying to help them understand.

41:31.355 --> 41:37.950
[SPEAKER_04]: I wish more teachers like you said understood that because I think that's a miss in the schools that's really hard So guys are incredible though.

41:38.010 --> 41:42.640
[SPEAKER_00]: I think thank you so much for being here today and just sharing your heart With all of this.

41:42.781 --> 41:45.086
[SPEAKER_00]: It's it's been a very great day.

41:45.206 --> 41:45.908
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it.

41:45.928 --> 41:46.950
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, of course

41:46.930 --> 41:54.241
[SPEAKER_03]: I know you guys have had a lot of challenges and I mean, parenting work talking through parenting challenges period, but just fostering as well.

41:54.621 --> 42:04.997
[SPEAKER_03]: You guys have a very diverse, like culturally diverse household, which I'm sure has come with some of the challenges, but then you add the fact that you're fostering on top of that.

42:05.017 --> 42:13.309
[SPEAKER_03]: Talk to some of the challenges that you guys have faced and maybe some of the tools that you've learned to overcome those that may be really helpful to the foster priority listening.

42:13.289 --> 42:28.610
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I mean, I would just say you have to try your best to just love people and to give them a benefit out as much as you can and don't give up on relationships unless it's, unless it's a protect the kids, right?

42:28.650 --> 42:34.278
[SPEAKER_04]: We've had a lot of really hard experiences with the biological families of our five kids.

42:34.499 --> 42:41.929
[SPEAKER_04]: We eventually had strange relationships with basically all of them,

42:42.128 --> 42:55.352
[SPEAKER_04]: Maybe do it out longer than I should, but I just refuse to give up on those relationships, probably maybe a little bit detrimental at some point where I would probably go back and forth with them more than I should of, but I just don't believe I'm just giving up on reconciliation.

42:55.372 --> 43:05.149
[SPEAKER_04]: I believe that's the heart of God and you just stay at it even if they insult you and even if they say terrible things about you on the internet, which they've done, or personally texting you stuff that just doesn't yet.

43:05.129 --> 43:05.950
[SPEAKER_04]: And they have trauma.

43:05.970 --> 43:06.772
[SPEAKER_04]: They're hurt people.

43:06.792 --> 43:08.515
[SPEAKER_04]: They're very hurt people as well.

43:08.535 --> 43:10.478
[SPEAKER_04]: And they have trauma from the children not being with them.

43:10.518 --> 43:18.692
[SPEAKER_04]: And so trying to be patient and understanding and just I just pray and hope that all of them reunite at some point in a couple of them who don't know Jesus.

43:19.133 --> 43:24.201
[SPEAKER_04]: I hope are maybe that maybe their biological kids that are, you know, our children will lead them to Jesus.

43:24.181 --> 43:33.519
[SPEAKER_04]: And some way, but I think that, yeah, it's definitely a unique experience and it's really hard, but you know, I think it's a mistake when people are just like, oh, we're not going to communicate with the bio family.

43:33.920 --> 43:39.270
[SPEAKER_04]: Now, look, if there was something really severe that happened to that child that was against the law.

43:39.250 --> 43:43.341
[SPEAKER_04]: and clearly, you know, sexual abuse, something really physical abuse.

43:43.782 --> 43:45.526
[SPEAKER_04]: I don't know that they should ever have contacted me.

43:45.586 --> 43:48.073
[SPEAKER_04]: I mean, but maybe you can still talk to them.

43:48.193 --> 43:48.815
[SPEAKER_01]: You can be wise.

43:48.875 --> 43:49.136
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

43:49.156 --> 43:51.622
[SPEAKER_04]: You might still send pictures if they've reconciled somehow.

43:51.762 --> 43:53.707
[SPEAKER_04]: But you're just, yeah, you have to be wise.

43:53.727 --> 43:54.570
[SPEAKER_04]: That's a good board to use.

43:54.870 --> 43:54.971
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

43:54.991 --> 43:55.271
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

43:55.291 --> 43:56.314
[SPEAKER_04]: I would agree.

43:56.767 --> 44:02.563
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I always appreciated Ben's intentionality with the biofame because it's just so important for them.

44:02.703 --> 44:07.637
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the kids to have that connection and it's it's hard though.

44:07.877 --> 44:10.324
[SPEAKER_04]: So in our kids are old enough that they have to make the decision.

44:10.525 --> 44:11.788
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, a couple of them.

44:11.768 --> 44:39.446
[SPEAKER_01]: But we also really try to surround ourselves with our church family and honestly our older three are of Nigerian heritage and God has always blessed us with at least one or two families where ever when we've lived in Lisa and Alaita that were Nigerian families and so just you know surrounding them with that and I think just being intentional of seeking out resources and just there's lots of things that are available.

44:39.866 --> 44:40.527
[SPEAKER_03]: That's awesome.

44:40.507 --> 44:50.300
[SPEAKER_03]: So what would you say, you guys or coming to a close to somebody that would maybe be considering fostering, what's one step that they could take today?

44:50.821 --> 45:08.725
[SPEAKER_04]: You have to do something praying and thinking and feeling compelled is really important but you have to get up and you have to do something, you have to take an action step and that would that would be my challenge, go take an action step, there is something that everybody, you can do this, everybody can do something to help in the foster a

45:08.705 --> 45:09.626
[SPEAKER_04]: Everybody can do something.

45:10.167 --> 45:11.088
[SPEAKER_04]: Everybody's not going to adopt.

45:11.148 --> 45:12.890
[SPEAKER_04]: Everybody's not going to foster, but you can do something.

45:12.930 --> 45:13.650
[SPEAKER_04]: You can go serve.

45:13.671 --> 45:14.511
[SPEAKER_04]: You can go volunteer.

45:14.892 --> 45:17.034
[SPEAKER_04]: You can go support a family and your church who's fostering.

45:17.154 --> 45:31.130
[SPEAKER_04]: And you could just listen to somebody who's having a really hard time go out and listen to this person talk about their experience and be okay with not understanding, be okay with not having answers and just listen to somebody, support them, provide a meal.

45:31.290 --> 45:33.092
[SPEAKER_04]: And if you're thinking about being a foster parent,

45:33.072 --> 45:33.633
[SPEAKER_04]: just go do it.

45:33.813 --> 45:38.537
[SPEAKER_04]: Just don't overthink it, go out, sign up for the class, don't overthink it, and go be a foster parent.

45:38.617 --> 45:40.659
[SPEAKER_04]: Don't worry about all the stuff that comes with it.

45:40.699 --> 45:44.143
[SPEAKER_04]: Just pray and trust that God's going to lead you in all the hard with it.

45:44.363 --> 45:45.044
[SPEAKER_04]: Just go do something.

45:45.064 --> 45:48.787
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's so true because I think there can be a stigma with foster kids.

45:48.827 --> 45:50.049
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh, that's so hard.

45:50.529 --> 45:51.890
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, and it is hard.

45:52.071 --> 45:54.553
[SPEAKER_01]: But we've had hard with our biokids.

45:55.454 --> 45:58.557
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's a misconception of

45:58.537 --> 46:16.056
[SPEAKER_01]: older kids versus I would be easier if we got a baby or if we got a younger but man we've had a heart we've had a lot of hard with our kids we got as babies not knowing like Ben said drug exposure and trauma that happens in utero.

46:16.036 --> 46:18.760
[SPEAKER_01]: It can be, I didn't know that was a thing we thought.

46:18.941 --> 46:21.284
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, we got these kids as newborns.

46:21.946 --> 46:24.970
[SPEAKER_01]: It'll be all, it'll be all good and it hasn't been.

46:25.010 --> 46:35.708
[SPEAKER_01]: And so just not over analyzing of the age or, I mean, there's a level of protection, but I just don't overthink it and go help and be the hands and feet of Jesus.

46:36.649 --> 46:37.150
[SPEAKER_03]: Amen.

46:37.670 --> 46:51.184
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, there's a question that we ask on every episode to close things out in that question is, if this episode were a backpack, what's one thing you would want people walking away knowing, Nicole, I want to start with you on the phone.

46:51.364 --> 46:53.326
[SPEAKER_01]: People have always asked us, how do you do it?

46:53.747 --> 47:00.514
[SPEAKER_01]: I have one or two, and that's hard, and I've always said, I think what you have is hard, you can handle more than you think you can.

47:00.674 --> 47:02.536
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that's what I want people to know.

47:02.556 --> 47:04.237
[SPEAKER_01]: No, like, oh, I can't do this.

47:04.338 --> 47:05.719
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't, you can.

47:05.699 --> 47:07.022
[SPEAKER_01]: You can handle more.

47:07.103 --> 47:16.126
[SPEAKER_01]: We've always thought, gosh, one more kid, that would be really hard, but we've done it through the strength of Jesus in our lives every day.

47:16.186 --> 47:20.858
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, if you can walk away with one thing, you can do more than you think you can.

47:21.019 --> 47:22.763
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's okay to have a panic cat first.

47:22.743 --> 47:23.985
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

47:24.165 --> 47:25.167
[SPEAKER_00]: Wait, absolutely.

47:25.207 --> 47:27.130
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you pay attention to sex, right?

47:27.150 --> 47:28.672
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought I said a day ago.

47:28.732 --> 47:33.219
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like this Milan moment and they're like Milan is OG because she cried.

47:33.299 --> 47:35.142
[SPEAKER_00]: She prayed and then she stepped up.

47:35.182 --> 47:37.005
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, heck yeah, dude.

47:37.346 --> 47:37.866
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

47:37.886 --> 47:38.187
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

47:38.207 --> 47:39.489
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think she's very true.

47:39.509 --> 47:39.990
[SPEAKER_04]: Very true.

47:40.410 --> 47:41.111
[SPEAKER_04]: Finn, what about you?

47:41.232 --> 47:42.534
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I would just go back to what I said.

47:42.694 --> 47:43.435
[SPEAKER_04]: Go do something.

47:43.415 --> 48:04.191
[SPEAKER_04]: There's a lot of people who sit around and have good plans who think about different things in their life and they want to help people go do something, take an action set, sign up for a foster care class, just because you sign up for a class that doesn't mean you're automatically a foster parent, go work through the experience, see where God leads, see where your family wants to go as you go take those classes and just go take that action set and go do something.

48:04.171 --> 48:10.658
[SPEAKER_01]: What was that stat you read about the foster kids that were available in the churches in the church?

48:10.678 --> 48:12.960
[SPEAKER_04]: I think it's waiting children for adoption, right?

48:12.980 --> 48:17.645
[SPEAKER_04]: I think the waiting children for adoption number is about the same as the number of churches in the U.S.

48:17.765 --> 48:21.749
[SPEAKER_04]: It's been a very similar reflective number which is extremely sad, right?

48:21.809 --> 48:29.757
[SPEAKER_04]: Which is like if every church had one family who chose to adopt one of these waiting children, there would be no children waiting for adoption.

48:29.737 --> 48:33.845
[SPEAKER_04]: So and that's that is the church is called to care for orphans and widows and to stress.

48:33.885 --> 48:35.087
[SPEAKER_04]: That's one of the calls that we have.

48:35.188 --> 48:36.490
[SPEAKER_04]: One thing about all that stuff.

48:36.831 --> 48:36.991
[SPEAKER_04]: Right.

48:37.011 --> 48:37.753
[SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

48:37.773 --> 48:38.374
[SPEAKER_04]: So it's incredible.

48:38.454 --> 48:43.203
[SPEAKER_00]: Just to close out on that, I always go back to right after Jesus crucified and he's sitting with Peter.

48:43.303 --> 48:47.992
[SPEAKER_00]: And we kind of talked about this a little bit and legacy actually, which is the church that we all go to.

48:48.153 --> 48:51.880
[SPEAKER_00]: Jesus was on the beach with Peter and he asked, he's like, Peter, do you love me?

48:51.860 --> 48:59.492
[SPEAKER_00]: And he said, yes, Lord, I love you, and he said, then tend to my flock, depending on the translation, so I'll take care of my sheep.

49:00.053 --> 49:12.052
[SPEAKER_00]: And he asked him that three times to the third point, one of which is to redeem Peter for the times that he denied Christ, but also because, when Jesus Christ was asking him, tend to my flock, take care of my sheep.

49:12.693 --> 49:14.055
[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't asking the government.

49:14.696 --> 49:16.399
[SPEAKER_00]: He wasn't asking other people.

49:16.499 --> 49:18.863
[SPEAKER_00]: He was asking, if you love me,

49:19.670 --> 49:21.393
[SPEAKER_00]: take care of my sheep, it's our job.

49:21.773 --> 49:26.381
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's so easy to point fingers and be like, well, this entity should be taking care of it.

49:26.401 --> 49:28.084
[SPEAKER_00]: Or this entity should be taking care of it.

49:28.564 --> 49:30.007
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna call out Christians.

49:30.447 --> 49:30.728
[SPEAKER_00]: I am.

49:31.489 --> 49:31.669
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

49:31.769 --> 49:32.731
[SPEAKER_00]: That was our calling.

49:32.951 --> 49:36.477
[SPEAKER_00]: If we love him, we should be taking care of his flock.

49:36.497 --> 49:37.619
[SPEAKER_00]: So, yes, the church.

49:37.639 --> 49:38.320
[SPEAKER_04]: The church.

49:38.300 --> 49:47.778
[SPEAKER_04]: And the good news is the vast question, just because the great thing is the vast majority of foster parents and doc people actually are believers, at least in the U.S. so eat it.

49:48.019 --> 49:49.081
[SPEAKER_04]: It's not that it's not happening.

49:49.141 --> 49:52.708
[SPEAKER_04]: It's just there's a lot more people who could join that party and just join it.

49:52.968 --> 49:53.910
[SPEAKER_00]: And it is scary.

49:54.371 --> 49:54.691
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

49:54.872 --> 49:55.112
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

49:55.573 --> 49:57.116
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very scary and that's okay.

49:57.136 --> 49:57.477
[SPEAKER_00]: So hard.

49:57.517 --> 49:58.198
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

49:59.090 --> 50:02.495
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, Ben and Nicole, thank you so much for having us on here.

50:02.555 --> 50:05.139
[SPEAKER_03]: It's been an incredible conversation.

50:05.199 --> 50:08.283
[SPEAKER_03]: Hopefully we can have more in the future.

50:08.303 --> 50:09.244
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that's really fun.

50:09.265 --> 50:09.685
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you guys.

50:09.805 --> 50:10.687
[SPEAKER_01]: We love what you're doing.

50:10.827 --> 50:11.988
[SPEAKER_04]: Yes, thanks for all you all.

50:12.028 --> 50:15.233
[SPEAKER_04]: I hope foster kids and the parents and the foster parents who are there.

50:15.513 --> 50:17.917
[SPEAKER_00]: We guys are incredible and thanks for being like the front line.

50:18.097 --> 50:20.921
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys are the people that have that direct impact on their lives.

50:21.021 --> 50:25.047
[SPEAKER_00]: And if we can be in any kind of a way to support that, then we want to be.

50:25.685 --> 50:26.026
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.

50:26.909 --> 50:31.343
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, if this conversation stirred something in you, guys don't ignore it.

50:31.664 --> 50:34.252
[SPEAKER_03]: Awareness changes little action transformed.

50:34.954 --> 50:36.058
[SPEAKER_03]: So thank you so much.

50:36.078 --> 50:37.201
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, guys, we'll see you next time.

50:37.262 --> 50:40.251
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm packed with purpose where every backpack tells a story.