The Truth About Becoming a Foster Parent (It’s Not What You Think)

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[SPEAKER_01]: I wish that every person who was a parent had to do all these things, honestly, I was so thankful that we had to do those things because it just helped Arthur and Lee.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I found with training that I've had to take because I was respite and then I did my daycare before that it's actually served me in a lot of other different ways in life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like it helps when I'm helping at church with the children's ministry.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It helps how I respond to different

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[SPEAKER_00]: types of situations in my life even adults and I think like anyone actually could really benefit from those things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: One I always hope people you can do more than you think you can and you can handle more than you think you can and number two you can change lives doing this.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to Pact with Purpose, a Care Package inbound podcast.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Care Package inbound exists to deliver hope.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And you listening to this episode, you get a chance to be part of that hope.

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[SPEAKER_02]: My name is Chris Youngdale, and I'm joined by Jessica Selvi.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Today's episode, we are joined once again by Ben and Nicole Long on the last episode.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, welcome you guys.

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[SPEAKER_02]: On the last episode, we kind of talked through just their incredible journey, ups and downs.

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[SPEAKER_02]: not knowing that they were going to have a kid one day and then having a kid, you know, same day.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And so if you haven't listened to that episode, I would recommend jumping back and listening to that, that's episode four.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But today, I'm really excited.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We get it talk about the process itself.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, what is it take to become a foster parent?

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[SPEAKER_02]: We want to hear about the classes, the challenges.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We want to talk about home visits.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, what does that look like?

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[SPEAKER_02]: And then

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[SPEAKER_02]: For anyone that's going to listen to this episode really this is going to be for if I'm thinking about becoming a foster parent I want them to be prepared for some of that and I want to challenge them to take that that step So welcome you guys Thank you I think at this point you guys might just need your own podcasts right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a couple of people that have mentioned that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, actually, well, that's okay.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, pretty long.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're like, actually, we have too much content.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Well, all right.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Are viewing each other by the same parent?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think there are a couple of successful people that do that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's just, has been a wife that interviewed each other about being parents.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can do it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: We have a lot of content.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You're not lied on content, that's for sure.

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[SPEAKER_02]: No, I don't think any parent actually is lied on content.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, we're in the teenage phase right now.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And okay, that's a whole episode by itself.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Sure is.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, talking about becoming foster parents taking that first step, if you don't mind, we'll go back for those who maybe didn't hear on the first episode and talk to us about what brought you to that decision, taking that first step.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we sought to adopt domestically on our newborns.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: On our own accord, we were licensed with angel adoption.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Actually, we tried to adopt in Haiti, too.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And we just always felt compelled both of us have felt compelled for a long time to adopt.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And so, eventually, what kind of lettuce to it was heartbreak through failed adoptions, really, that lettuce there to that point, and friends who just inspired us to go and be foster parents, and we finally just, we just took the step, and we said, hey, this is the next step, where God has let us, where there was all these bread crumbs that just constantly kind of were put in front of us, and that's really what kind of spurred us into being foster parents in the fullness of it, which

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[SPEAKER_03]: was, you know, it's kind of scary because that really was not ever a part of our thought process of plans of how we would grow our family.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Honestly, I don't think it was ever really a part of the discussion.

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[SPEAKER_02]: For you guys, it was, and again, go back and listen to the last one, but for you, fostering was actually very short-lived.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You kind of moved into adoption very quickly, but that doesn't mean that you didn't need to take all of the steps necessary to become foster parents.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So would you say that it was easier or harder, you know, starting that process than you expected?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like it was pretty easy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We just kind of didn't really put too much thought into, well, it should be, we just were like, we're doing it, and here we go.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was always, we should, feeling, well, and you guys talked about like, we even knew when you were dating and stuff that that was a conversation you had, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And we already had a home study, so it's a little bit different for us, because we had already been through all this home study process from an adoption standpoint.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So because of that, when she said it's easy, that there was like functional parts of it that were easier for us than it would be for somebody who just started doing foster care.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And they didn't have any adoption background or anything else.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There would be more paperwork or whatever you call.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And there's still quite a bit of paperwork.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But I think also just,

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[SPEAKER_03]: the sadness and the devastation that we have felt, it just felt like a combined with our friends, it really felt like it's pretty obvious that God wants you to go in this direction to a certain degree.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that's why it felt easier to take the step, I think, because there was a lot of felt defeated and sad and worn down from trying to adopt domestically, just adopt without

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[SPEAKER_02]: yeah what what advice would you give somebody then you know talking about just all of the emotional side of it too but the steps you guys took some of those steps kind of out of order from somebody traditionally so thinking just first steps for anyone that's listening to the episode what advice would you give somebody that's thinking about taking that first step you know looking into fostering mm-hmm

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's several privately-contracted organizations that you can foster through that can help you get licensed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So just picking one of those and contacting them and just going through the process there.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So the process is like classes and background checks and stuff like that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And you have to fill out like an application.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So I mean, you obviously have to go through the application process.

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[SPEAKER_03]: You have to be approved.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There's background checks.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There's lots of things that you going.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But I mean, the first step really to me is you just have to go on, pick who you want to go with as who's going to be your licensing organization and then just start that process.

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[SPEAKER_03]: You know, and it's not I think sometimes people get.

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[SPEAKER_03]: kind of like stuck in the mud on some of that.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, well, most people actually get licensed to do a part of their job, right?

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[SPEAKER_03]: There's a large portion of the population that has to do licensing to do a part of their job.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I'm a mortgage loan officer.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I had to go through the licensing process.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I had to actually take a big test, study for it for six weeks, and pass that test in order to be a loan officer.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So when you think about foster care and you're like, oh, if it's the classes that are kind of

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[SPEAKER_03]: I arguably, much more important than probably your job to integrate because you're taking care of children who have been through a lot of trauma and have a health, so it's even more important.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So it may be not looking at it like, oh, it's this hard annoying thing that we have to do.

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[SPEAKER_03]: We have to take all these classes instead thinking of it like, well, wait a second, attorneys have to do this.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Doctors have to do this.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Nurses have to do this.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There's lots of different firefighters have to do this, and then you have to have continuing education as a part of it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: and these are vulnerable kids that you're coming alongside and taking care of and loving on.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And so being licensed is really, really important.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Even though it definitely can feel a little like it's kind of like holding you back.

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[SPEAKER_03]: You're like, well, I just want to help the kids, right?

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[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I don't know.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Why do I have to take the classes?

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[SPEAKER_03]: Well, it's just a huge part of it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, in the last episode, you even talked about like with parenting, you're not really handed a book of how to parent, but taking those classes, you're like, you kind of are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if anything, like, it's helped you parent, your other other children, your biological children, alongside it because you have trauma training and stuff like that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I would think that, like, as you said, it's part of your job.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, there's nothing wrong with going over and thinking, okay, if anything, this is going to benefit me in this way.

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[SPEAKER_00]: just do a different part.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think being informed about the reality of what is foster care is huge.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Even if you don't end up being a foster parent, there's so many things you can do.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes the first step is just information.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and they'll have a person that will walk you through each step and it's not like you have to figure it out yourself though.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, here's the places you can go get your fingerprints done, here's where you have to send your stuff for background checks and yeah, a lot of the things that we had to do were even helpful.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I wish that every person who was a parent had to do all these things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We had to have a apartment outside detector installed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We had to have, make sure we had

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[SPEAKER_01]: Fire hydrants, fire hydrants, extinguishers in our kitchen.

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[SPEAKER_03]: We can not be fire hydrants, we can not be fire hydrants.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Right in the middle of the kitchen.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, everything was so helpful.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, I was so thankful that we had to do those things because it just helped our family and general.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I found with like training that I've had to take because I was respite and then I did my day care before that it's actually served me in a lot of other different ways in life like it helps when I'm helping at church with the children's ministry it helps how I respond to different types of situations in my life even adults and I think like anyone actually could really benefit from those things so like I think that

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[SPEAKER_00]: The idea that you just said, which is the, hey, you have to take licensing for part of your job, like you should really look into this, even if it's, you know, just you start off with the trauma training.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, just to be more aware of your surroundings on how to react to people, the realities of what that situation is is a really big deal.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and you never know when you can use it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I remember last summer we were at the I think it was elementary school camp.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I can't remember if it was middle school.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think it was maybe it was middle school camp anyways for a church and there was a boy who got into it with multiple other boys and the game they were just playing.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Now, and he was definitely like the antagonist towards the situation.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I know this kid really well, and I know he has been fostered, and I know that he's had some pretty rough trauma things, and I've been around him enough times, and I think are my experience as a dad and as person who's gone through the training twice.

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[SPEAKER_03]: very quickly recognize that what they were doing to him in retaliation was not going to end up being a really good positive thing that he wasn't going to be able to take it like.

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[SPEAKER_03]: with humor and just move on from it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Like, a lot of kids would.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And so I intervene myself in that situation more aggressively, probably, and everybody else kind of stood in watch, and I think they were thinking it would just be fine.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And then I ended up taking him and actually one of our kids and like going off by ourselves during one of the sessions, cause I could just tell,

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[SPEAKER_03]: both of them needed to kind of have a separation from the group, but that's because of taking those classes and having the experience obviously being a father too, but just being in those classes like there's just an awareness you just understand it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Some of their brain functionality just doesn't it's not going to flow the same way as maybe most kids would Yeah, so just like you said you just recognize things and that's not that that's just being at a can't for kids for Jesus That's not that wasn't there was no it's not like there's no foster care aspect of that there was no adoption thing that was just that recognition But if it wasn't for those classes, I don't think I wouldn't have been able to to understand that probably Yeah, that was quickly and recognize it so fast

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I know that there's a lot of time is just supporting other foster families foster parents so on and so forth and being Understanding on what they're saying what they're going through the rules in place and just being that support network And we don't I don't think have enough of that honestly like I've definitely seen a shift recently where there's more people wanting to support

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're looking like, okay, I can't become a foster parent, but I want to be an educated supporter.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's another thing that you can do just so that you can communicate with those foster parents, be able to have that understanding.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So it's just an extra support system in all of this, which is what we all truly need.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and you could take like respite classes or something.

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[SPEAKER_03]: It's a little bit shorter format to be able to do that.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Exactly.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So you wouldn't have to necessarily put in as much time.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but I think putting in the time is is important.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think you'll get something out of it The awareness side of it is just huge and I connect with that so much I think that that training goes through a lot of other things in life, and when you Invest in something and then you're able to see it and call it out you can be used in a different way And I think you can step in with education and and now we're not causing Potentially more trauma or issues, but more actually

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[SPEAKER_02]: trying to foster, you know, restoration or healing or reconciliation, something that we're going to finish, which is really good.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So let's jump into that training process there.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Sure.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So you had talked through you had said something Nicole that I think is important for audience to understand it for those who are looking at jumping into foster care.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You had found a a private organization.

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[SPEAKER_02]: to be able to do this training through.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it's not like there's one company in the U.S. organization or the government that runs like every aspect of this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's a huge umbrella.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, we say that because like there is a miss like interpretation of what foster carries.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we'll talk to people that really don't understand a lot because let's be honest foster care has been shoved under the rug for the last 80 years.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like no one talks about it as they said.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we have this concept in our head, the foster care organization is this umbrella organization that is just one whole thing over all of the United States.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not how it works at all.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, can you explain a little bit more of what that looks like in reality?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, specifically in Kansas, I believe there's four privately-contracted organizations that take care of the licensing and monitoring of the foster parents.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so we went through KBC.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we have a unique...

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[SPEAKER_01]: experience also where we fostered first in Missouri, and then we also got licensed in Kansas, which each state is very different, and because it's privately contracted, and so with KBC, you can even go on that website, and there's videos, and frequently asked questions, and you can kind of find out what the process looks like, but that's specifically who we went through.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's almost like, uh, it's not the FBI, right?

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[SPEAKER_03]: It's more like local police departments that are kind of managing it's to a certain degree, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's like an example.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Regional, you know, it's like a state whatever the California Bureau of Investigations to CBI and then you have police stations kind of underneath that.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So just make that kind of manage it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And it flows differently depending on where you are and how you sign up for sure.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But so like as an example, when we got licensed in Missouri, we went to weekly classes for, I think, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, something in there.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, that was 15 years ago, so it's like a long time ago.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But then when we got licensed on the Kansas side for our youngest child, we actually went to a more compact version It was kind of like the summer class version of you know how you have your semester long classes for college Then you have the summer you pack it in and like eight weeks

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[SPEAKER_03]: That's kind of how it was.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think we took like four or five classes, but it was like they were five or six hours each.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So it was on a Saturday.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So they actually formatted up so that you could do it either way at most places.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think KBC has it like, hey, I can do weeknights or for some people I can do Saturdays.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Let me do have online.

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[SPEAKER_01]: virtual classes now, which they did not have when we were yep that's nice like the flexibility on it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yes Yeah because like even when we were talking before like even if you just want to be informed like to be able to have the flexibility with me wonderful exactly yeah so we're some of the topics that you guys covered then during the classes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah I mean I think there's lots of stuff that they cover.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I mean I think the trauma part is probably the most

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[SPEAKER_01]: we have like modules which I as a teacher enjoyed going through yes but you're like this is so well formatted exactly yeah trauma discipline which I appreciated again as a parent different tools in your two belt to about that you can use

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I think the brain trauma piece is probably the most important thing for me and just understanding how different kids or people can react to certain situations based in the trauma that they've had in their life.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's also important when you're sitting in the class to really be able to soak it in and understand that these are, because that looks they explain real life situations, right?

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[SPEAKER_03]: Real life examples.

16:58.541 --> 16:59.542
[SPEAKER_03]: Like there's a lot of that.

16:59.602 --> 17:04.885
[SPEAKER_03]: And sometimes it can be very sobering or depressing or very sad.

17:05.225 --> 17:22.015
[SPEAKER_03]: But I think it's also just really important for you to understand the reality of what happened to the kids or what's happening to the kids or their experiences and the stories that come alongside that and that trauma of thinking about a child who's been to five or six or seven homes and how they interact with people as a result of that.

17:22.035 --> 17:24.597
[SPEAKER_03]: So the classes are really good about, like they'll even

17:25.537 --> 17:53.584
[SPEAKER_03]: they'll start with an example right they'll say okay a young man is eight years old and he went into foster care and he was two years in his foster home and then there was a divorce in that home and so he had to be moved to this home and he was in respite for two or three weeks back and forth and now he's coming into your home and these are the three to four things that happened in his life that were really significant and then they'll ask you questions and you have to discuss that with either your spouse or or probably like four or five people

17:55.664 --> 17:57.064
[SPEAKER_03]: and to say, how would you deal with this?

17:57.124 --> 17:57.945
[SPEAKER_03]: How would you deal with this?

17:57.965 --> 17:58.465
[SPEAKER_03]: How would you do it?

17:58.485 --> 18:00.245
[SPEAKER_03]: No, they'll ask you specific questions.

18:00.785 --> 18:07.007
[SPEAKER_03]: Or they'll bring up something as simple as like the kid doesn't want to write his bike.

18:07.947 --> 18:09.788
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, why does anyone want to write his bike?

18:10.548 --> 18:13.809
[SPEAKER_03]: And then it's like, so you're discussing this, what could possibly?

18:13.889 --> 18:16.530
[SPEAKER_03]: And then they'll tell you like, well, this child in their background.

18:17.290 --> 18:20.692
[SPEAKER_03]: whatever, you know, something to do with a bike that caused trauma has an example.

18:20.732 --> 18:25.795
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, so it's tools to be able to get to the root of whatever the child is displaying this.

18:25.835 --> 18:27.436
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's kind of like counseling techniques.

18:27.456 --> 18:32.119
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you're kind of becoming a counselor therapist in a sense, which is really apparent.

18:32.159 --> 18:40.443
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, you know, but those are important tools no matter who you are, but I think that's that's big because I think best intentions

18:41.464 --> 19:06.442
[SPEAKER_02]: for any foster parent I would hope is this is just going to be amazing right this child's going to come into my life and I'm just going to show more bunch of love and it's just going to be rainbow some butterflies and sunglasses and all of this kind of stuff and it's like well wait a second they come in with a lot of trauma and maybe that trauma is not displayed right up front it is very hidden and we need to kind of peel that back and understand it and it

19:10.104 --> 19:10.885
[SPEAKER_02]: something happens.

19:11.205 --> 19:14.387
[SPEAKER_02]: And out of nowhere, how did we get here?

19:14.607 --> 19:15.027
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

19:15.168 --> 19:19.330
[SPEAKER_02]: And there's like this fight or this emotion or door slams or whatever it might be.

19:19.350 --> 19:27.396
[SPEAKER_02]: And if we don't have the tools to be able to take a step back and be like, well, wait a second, let's talk about the why you don't want to ride a bike.

19:27.616 --> 19:28.457
[SPEAKER_03]: What is that about?

19:29.698 --> 19:30.558
[SPEAKER_03]: Do you think that's big?

19:30.798 --> 19:34.401
[SPEAKER_03]: And don't you think the food thing was you felt like you learned a lot about that?

19:35.061 --> 19:52.703
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, there was a lot of how you just eating habits, food, I feel like there was interacting with a biological family, going to court, what to do at the school, how you can advocate for the kids and if they come in with an IEP.

19:53.063 --> 19:56.304
[SPEAKER_03]: I think the food stuff I learned a lot because I never really thought about that.

19:56.444 --> 19:57.945
[SPEAKER_01]: I never thought what do you mean by that?

19:57.965 --> 20:04.287
[SPEAKER_03]: I just never thought about a lot of the trauma that's associated with food that comes with kids who are in foster care.

20:04.307 --> 20:11.409
[SPEAKER_03]: So like a lot of times they'll hoard food because at their biological home, maybe they just didn't have very much food.

20:11.890 --> 20:14.030
[SPEAKER_03]: And so if they saw food, they would just kind of hoard it.

20:14.530 --> 20:21.353
[SPEAKER_03]: Or they, or sometimes they didn't have a lot, if they didn't have a lot of access to food, when they're given the access, it's like they don't.

20:22.135 --> 20:24.337
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like their brain has no self-control, right?

20:24.417 --> 20:26.678
[SPEAKER_03]: And they'll just eat too many snacks or their eat to it.

20:26.998 --> 20:30.741
[SPEAKER_03]: It's almost like, you know, if you don't like, we don't have a lot of soda in our house as an example.

20:31.241 --> 20:34.023
[SPEAKER_03]: So in general, it's soda comes into our house.

20:34.323 --> 20:39.387
[SPEAKER_03]: Our children, we have to be very specific about when they can have it.

20:39.727 --> 20:51.233
[SPEAKER_03]: Because otherwise, they would just always go get it because we don't really have soda and our house that much and so in the same way I think when kids come into foster care And they come into a house and there's just a snack tub and there's a snack pantry.

20:51.513 --> 21:01.438
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, at their house, maybe they didn't have snacks and they're like, oh my gosh, there's snacks whenever I want to get snacks good and as I can just go grab a snack and then you just eat eight snacks in an hour and if you're

21:02.378 --> 21:05.001
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, even it had been trained, we have done this.

21:05.722 --> 21:09.085
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, mad, you're like, how could you guys eat all this snacks?

21:09.125 --> 21:11.307
[SPEAKER_00]: My dad used to call us locusts or kids.

21:11.347 --> 21:13.810
[SPEAKER_00]: You got exactly the same thing.

21:13.910 --> 21:16.312
[SPEAKER_00]: I did hear a study one time talking about food.

21:16.352 --> 21:18.254
[SPEAKER_00]: Specifically, this particular, uh,

21:19.255 --> 21:38.267
[SPEAKER_00]: idea and it was talking about the different social demographics and how they view food and so you have like the lower income that they usually view food in quantity middle class usually views food as quality and then higher income usually views food as presentation

21:39.007 --> 21:40.388
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's those different things.

21:40.488 --> 21:49.292
[SPEAKER_00]: And so a lot of people will have this misunderstanding where like these children are coming into foster care and some of them are severely underfed just so you know.

21:49.572 --> 21:52.873
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's other ones like if they're larger, they're like, how could they be larger?

21:52.893 --> 21:55.394
[SPEAKER_00]: And like it's actually the same mentality.

21:55.634 --> 21:59.536
[SPEAKER_00]: It is like you don't know when your next meal is gonna happen.

21:59.656 --> 22:04.078
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you wrote, and then what will happen, which I think what you're kind of going to,

22:04.979 --> 22:21.833
[SPEAKER_00]: is we think, okay, we need to monitor and be really careful with these foods, but sometimes people do it in an unhealthy way, like they'll lock it up or something like that, and not knowing that although they're trying their best to help the child, that that can sometimes trigger even more severe reaction.

22:22.554 --> 22:42.897
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yeah, I think like the classes and the understanding, like so much of what we do is just trying to understand the brain and what's going on with our child in that emotional health and you said something on the last episode that I thought was really good and you were you said it's not about us can you talk a little bit more about that.

22:43.037 --> 22:58.665
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think one of the things we were talking about preparing for this was what was one of the biggest things you got from the classes and that was one of the lines that just stuck out to me if I didn't learn if I didn't remember anything else, which is not hard because my memory is full and

23:00.124 --> 23:16.790
[SPEAKER_01]: And they said, you aren't here to take the kids, you're here to take care of the kids and that it's just about them and their and how they can be ministered to and that was that was really.

23:18.430 --> 23:46.890
[SPEAKER_01]: really humbling to me because I think about oh and and you hear in a good way and a bad way people all I can't do I couldn't do foster care I couldn't let the kids go I couldn't but then you hear a lot of I couldn't you know it's like oh man but what about what about these kids who you know let's think about the kids so yeah and playing into that it's like you're in the class I think there's a lot of humility that I think that I experienced and just thinking like

23:47.911 --> 23:51.912
[SPEAKER_03]: how do you help this child heal and be taking care of?

23:52.493 --> 24:01.495
[SPEAKER_03]: And part of that is understanding the control aspect is a really big deal when it comes to trauma and like even something like food can be like a control mechanism for them.

24:02.016 --> 24:08.278
[SPEAKER_03]: And so understanding how that might, what should I battle with, you know?

24:08.498 --> 24:11.919
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, I remember for a long time in our house, you couldn't have a snack in your bed.

24:12.843 --> 24:18.044
[SPEAKER_03]: And finally at some point, it was convinced overall that it's really not that big of a deal.

24:18.484 --> 24:30.827
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not a great long-term habit, but for this child, they snack in their bed and still to this day, that same child does snack in their bed or eats a half dinner.

24:30.887 --> 24:33.548
[SPEAKER_02]: Now sometimes you just eat dinner in your bed anyways cause you're just trying to get them upstairs.

24:34.348 --> 24:41.991
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, but I think you know, being in the classes you really like to learn that you just have a you develop a different point of view with it.

24:42.091 --> 24:47.713
[SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't mean you like completely change your mind, but it just means like you have this awareness and understanding that hey.

24:48.682 --> 24:56.631
[SPEAKER_03]: just looking at a singular situation and saying, why is this child so mad that they can't have a forced snack?

24:56.771 --> 24:57.572
[SPEAKER_03]: It's more than that.

24:57.813 --> 24:58.433
[SPEAKER_03]: And understand that.

24:58.453 --> 25:08.405
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's really good, because it give a lot of examples in the class that I think are very practical in our real life examples, like I said, that really helped me personally, to just have better understanding of it.

25:09.706 --> 25:23.278
[SPEAKER_02]: So, a couple questions that I think audience might be thinking when do the classes cost anything, how much do they cost, and can you fail a class and like be denied being a foster parent?

25:23.298 --> 25:24.679
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a question.

25:25.339 --> 25:32.766
[SPEAKER_01]: It does not cost anything, it's free, which is great, and you just have to get signed up and get started.

25:33.870 --> 25:34.130
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

25:34.150 --> 25:34.410
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.

25:34.430 --> 25:38.974
[SPEAKER_03]: No, if you can fail, I'm sure you could fail if like, but I would think that would come up more in the background check.

25:39.174 --> 25:39.354
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

25:39.475 --> 25:42.317
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I think there was one class that we were in.

25:42.337 --> 25:53.125
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it was one of the first ones where I feel like the people who taught it, pulled aside a couple, because I don't, I think halfway through they were gone.

25:53.486 --> 25:55.768
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think it was just like they heard

25:57.060 --> 26:00.002
[SPEAKER_03]: different things that they were saying and that they were concerned about.

26:00.022 --> 26:01.663
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't remember this.

26:01.803 --> 26:13.152
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it was like discipline oriented, honestly, if I remember right, that the way they were referencing physical discipline, especially, was just not appropriate, and they heard it reference enough that they basically kind of like.

26:13.944 --> 26:31.552
[SPEAKER_03]: interviewed slash kind of cold them on it, and then they just kind of asked them to just kind of move on because they just didn't think that the mentality they had was really appropriate, but I think generally speaking know you don't and I think a lot of people I mean one of the things we experience was there's a lot of people who go into a foster car class just to adopt.

26:32.552 --> 26:36.653
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think what happens is do it, go in just to adopt.

26:36.873 --> 26:38.774
[SPEAKER_03]: I would be very shocked at the Lord alone.

26:38.834 --> 26:41.595
[SPEAKER_03]: Stay in that state of mind because lots of people will change their mind.

26:41.615 --> 26:43.735
[SPEAKER_03]: A lot of people in the class will change their mind.

26:43.755 --> 26:48.217
[SPEAKER_03]: And by the end of the class, they will be fostered to adopt parents instead of just adopt parents.

26:48.377 --> 26:50.137
[SPEAKER_03]: Because that's actually two different distinctions.

26:50.157 --> 26:52.818
[SPEAKER_03]: You can take a class and just be adopt only.

26:53.538 --> 26:57.519
[SPEAKER_03]: Or you can take the class, be foster only, or you can take the class and be foster and adopt.

26:57.579 --> 26:59.080
[SPEAKER_03]: And a lot of, there's a lot of parents who,

26:59.660 --> 27:00.781
[SPEAKER_03]: They're trying to start their family.

27:00.801 --> 27:02.642
[SPEAKER_03]: They'll just enter in as a adopt.

27:03.183 --> 27:13.010
[SPEAKER_03]: But then they end up changing their mind and realizing a way to second, the need is more in this class, other than me gathering a child to myself.

27:13.070 --> 27:14.591
[SPEAKER_03]: It's more about the need of the children.

27:14.911 --> 27:18.974
[SPEAKER_01]: But I remember one of our classes, there was a couple that was there for that.

27:19.054 --> 27:22.717
[SPEAKER_01]: And they literally told them in front of the whole class, like if you're here just to adopt.

27:23.217 --> 27:24.998
[SPEAKER_01]: When it was a newborn, it was a newborn child.

27:25.018 --> 27:26.199
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a newborn child.

27:26.279 --> 27:26.860
[SPEAKER_01]: Probably.

27:28.107 --> 27:35.658
[SPEAKER_01]: either change your mind or go somewhere else because the likelihood of that is so slim.

27:36.519 --> 27:37.861
[SPEAKER_01]: That we don't even want to win.

27:37.922 --> 27:39.223
[SPEAKER_03]: Although we rather have you in the class.

27:39.945 --> 27:40.826
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

27:40.866 --> 27:41.026
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

27:41.066 --> 27:42.208
[SPEAKER_01]: So if that's cool.

27:42.248 --> 27:42.468
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

27:43.850 --> 27:44.210
[SPEAKER_01]: Not good.

27:44.230 --> 27:44.671
[SPEAKER_01]: That's hard.

27:44.751 --> 27:51.555
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's wise, though, because again, it's not about you comparing the eye statements eye eye eye or me.

27:52.035 --> 27:52.615
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not about you.

27:52.755 --> 27:54.096
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about the kids.

27:54.116 --> 28:02.321
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that that can see a heart transformation and actually realizing the true need and having your heart turn towards that needs.

28:02.361 --> 28:02.921
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, about me.

28:02.941 --> 28:03.882
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about the kids.

28:03.942 --> 28:04.182
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

28:04.662 --> 28:14.412
[SPEAKER_02]: So while you, you might not be able to fail the class, there is something called a homestudity, and that might be a different story that might be where we hit some red flags true.

28:15.013 --> 28:23.361
[SPEAKER_02]: Now you guys went through homestudity before did that foster classes so kind of out of order a little bit or does a homestudity typically come first.

28:23.521 --> 28:37.046
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I think that, you know, in our situation, we already had a home study, but still when we didn't have foster care, you actually have to adjust that, because it's a different style and format in the actual paperwork for the home study.

28:37.386 --> 28:40.887
[SPEAKER_03]: The home study feels pretty arduous at times, I would say.

28:40.947 --> 28:42.828
[SPEAKER_03]: That's probably one of the more arduous parts of it.

28:42.848 --> 28:48.030
[SPEAKER_03]: I think the classes can feel kind of like, oh, sometimes it might feel like cash do we have to go to the class again,

28:49.410 --> 28:55.877
[SPEAKER_03]: you get so much out of the classes that honestly any parent in america would highly benefit from going to foster care parenting class.

28:56.138 --> 28:58.660
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, just there's no way they could we would benefit right now.

28:58.680 --> 28:59.401
[SPEAKER_03]: We have eight kids.

28:59.742 --> 29:01.303
[SPEAKER_03]: We've been parenting for 15 years.

29:01.544 --> 29:01.784
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.

29:02.364 --> 29:09.172
[SPEAKER_03]: So, but the home study part I would say is requires an organizational perseverance, you know, like you just have to be

29:09.192 --> 29:09.812
[SPEAKER_03]: be organized.

29:09.832 --> 29:10.692
[SPEAKER_03]: Just stay at it.

29:10.712 --> 29:12.013
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to answer all the questions.

29:12.053 --> 29:13.393
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to take the time at your house.

29:13.413 --> 29:14.793
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to stop watching your Netflix.

29:15.193 --> 29:15.933
[SPEAKER_03]: Whatever show.

29:16.373 --> 29:18.714
[SPEAKER_03]: And just say, we're taking two hours on a Tuesday night.

29:18.754 --> 29:23.875
[SPEAKER_03]: We're taking two hours on a Thursday and we're just working through this and just keep going.

29:24.015 --> 29:24.795
[SPEAKER_03]: That is what I would say.

29:24.815 --> 29:31.676
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're doing the home study, you just keep going because there's a lot of questions, a lot of gathering of information and sometimes you even have to go ask your parents for information.

29:31.776 --> 29:34.197
[SPEAKER_03]: Because it's about your family background and maybe you don't even know.

29:35.277 --> 29:35.798
[SPEAKER_03]: which is good.

29:36.018 --> 29:36.838
[SPEAKER_03]: That's not a bad thing.

29:37.219 --> 29:39.280
[SPEAKER_03]: But the home study is a good exercise.

29:39.321 --> 29:40.421
[SPEAKER_03]: It's an arduous exercise.

29:40.461 --> 29:41.022
[SPEAKER_03]: But that's okay.

29:41.222 --> 29:43.924
[SPEAKER_03]: Anything that's really important usually is.

29:44.105 --> 29:48.008
[SPEAKER_03]: Like people who trained police sports at least, they have to go lift weights and they don't like to lift weights.

29:48.088 --> 29:48.268
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

29:48.408 --> 29:49.409
[SPEAKER_03]: But they still have to go lift weights.

29:49.429 --> 29:50.410
[SPEAKER_03]: They like to play football.

29:50.490 --> 29:52.231
[SPEAKER_03]: But you have to lift weights if you want to play football.

29:52.352 --> 29:53.833
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't just go out and you have to stretch.

29:54.093 --> 29:54.293
[SPEAKER_03]: Right?

29:54.654 --> 29:56.695
[SPEAKER_03]: Stretching is not who's excited about stretching.

29:56.735 --> 29:56.935
[SPEAKER_03]: Right?

29:56.996 --> 29:58.096
[SPEAKER_03]: And be a vinyl's last night.

29:58.817 --> 30:05.320
[SPEAKER_03]: Those guys are on the court three hours before going through an hour long routine in order to play in the game, and they have all this other stuff.

30:05.340 --> 30:09.802
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's just, you know, and foster care is more important than the NBA Fund.

30:10.042 --> 30:15.685
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the most intimidating part for me was they come into your home and do like a home interview.

30:15.985 --> 30:16.885
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, very long.

30:17.466 --> 30:19.387
[SPEAKER_01]: But once we got started,

30:20.518 --> 30:26.379
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you just realize they're there to make sure that there's no red flags that your home is safe.

30:26.740 --> 30:29.960
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not like they're looking for this huge mansion.

30:29.980 --> 30:35.962
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, they, I think each kid requires a bed and just sufficient bedroom space.

30:36.042 --> 30:41.323
[SPEAKER_01]: And so once I feel like the case worker came in or the social worker came, it was a lot.

30:41.363 --> 30:45.664
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it was actually kind of fun to just share our family background and story.

30:49.005 --> 30:51.808
[SPEAKER_01]: It was anticipating it would be but the beginning feels like it.

30:52.008 --> 30:57.592
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, like when that initial person when they come into your house or when you're anticipating them coming to your house It's definitely a little bit nervous.

30:57.652 --> 31:03.778
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you probably definitely have some nerves kind of going for a job interview in some ways Yeah, I remember my time a little bit like my daughter.

31:03.898 --> 31:11.104
[SPEAKER_00]: She's she's in ballet and they're getting ready for this huge performance That's going out right now and she keeps getting jitters right before like the practice and stuff like that

31:11.704 --> 31:15.630
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have to tell her over and over again, these people do not want you to fail.

31:15.911 --> 31:16.151
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.

31:16.211 --> 31:17.032
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

31:17.513 --> 31:21.719
[SPEAKER_00]: They're here to help you improve so that you can do your best.

31:21.819 --> 31:25.264
[SPEAKER_00]: But no one, not even on the day of, do they want you to fail.

31:25.304 --> 31:26.947
[SPEAKER_00]: They want to see you succeed.

31:27.367 --> 31:39.049
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's the same way because I used to feel the same way I had a daycare because we had I think I had like four different entities that would come in and do drop end visits all the time with a daycare because it is It's incredibly important, but they never wanted to see you fail.

31:39.189 --> 31:39.529
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

31:39.629 --> 31:47.731
[SPEAKER_00]: You know and you would have to get that mentality switch And so yes, you can get the jitters with that person is there to try to help you succeed Yeah, that's a good way to put yeah, yeah agreed.

31:47.991 --> 31:52.972
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, that's it's a great analogy They they want you to be successful.

31:53.012 --> 31:55.032
[SPEAKER_03]: They don't want to do a rubber stamp and say no

31:55.352 --> 31:56.193
[SPEAKER_00]: You're out.

31:56.453 --> 31:56.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:56.913 --> 31:58.514
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not looking for perfection.

31:58.734 --> 31:59.515
[SPEAKER_02]: No, they're right.

31:59.535 --> 32:00.255
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, it is.

32:00.796 --> 32:05.098
[SPEAKER_02]: They're looking for, I think, intentionality behind it.

32:05.259 --> 32:05.599
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

32:05.659 --> 32:07.000
[SPEAKER_02]: Why are you actually doing this?

32:07.060 --> 32:09.601
[SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of getting to feel for who you are.

32:09.861 --> 32:11.262
[SPEAKER_02]: Is the environment safe?

32:11.503 --> 32:11.803
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

32:11.883 --> 32:12.103
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

32:12.163 --> 32:14.484
[SPEAKER_02]: Are there a bunch of knives out everywhere?

32:14.605 --> 32:17.146
[SPEAKER_02]: Because you like, you know, build hunting.

32:17.166 --> 32:18.667
[SPEAKER_02]: They can't afford or something.

32:18.727 --> 32:19.127
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.

32:19.368 --> 32:19.528
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

32:19.568 --> 32:20.989
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, just somebody out there.

32:21.009 --> 32:21.469
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

32:21.489 --> 32:22.089
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

32:22.169 --> 32:22.650
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

32:24.891 --> 32:25.412
[SPEAKER_00]: that's good.

32:25.512 --> 32:39.201
[SPEAKER_00]: One time when it was talking about like a foster parent trying to get ready for a social worker drop in and they were like folding all of the laundry on the couch like as quickly as they couldn't the social worker came in and started helping them fold the laundry and that I think that's a little bit more of what it is.

32:39.381 --> 32:41.383
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like your home doesn't have to be perfect.

32:41.403 --> 32:45.386
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to take a snap picture of it and push on Pinterest for you to be approved for a view of foster

32:46.139 --> 32:53.906
[SPEAKER_00]: it is like you are real, your social workers and your home visit people they know that you're real and I think that they would actually prefer that over some fake manicured.

32:53.946 --> 32:55.267
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how perfect our home is.

32:55.387 --> 32:57.048
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they sound through that actually.

32:57.068 --> 32:57.909
[SPEAKER_00]: I think they do too.

32:57.949 --> 32:59.410
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, totally.

32:59.530 --> 33:01.552
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, they're going to be like, this isn't come on.

33:01.692 --> 33:07.177
[SPEAKER_03]: No, it's also just remembering like they've been in houses where this wasn't a good option, right?

33:07.217 --> 33:09.959
[SPEAKER_03]: And then like they can clearly, I think they can clearly see that.

33:09.979 --> 33:12.021
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, one of the things they talked about in the classes I remember was,

33:13.515 --> 33:15.416
[SPEAKER_03]: They really kind of attacked people.

33:15.836 --> 33:25.898
[SPEAKER_03]: I would say who were there if it was money-oriented, which sounds really bizarre, but there are people who actually go and be foster parents because you do get paid money.

33:26.058 --> 33:27.679
[SPEAKER_03]: They give you money to take care of the children.

33:27.959 --> 33:29.319
[SPEAKER_03]: That's in part of being a foster parent.

33:29.719 --> 33:35.541
[SPEAKER_03]: And there are people who actually, that's what they go do it for the money, which is kind of like really hard to understand.

33:35.561 --> 33:36.941
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's really not a lot of money.

33:37.142 --> 33:38.322
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not that much.

33:38.382 --> 33:38.502
[SPEAKER_00]: No.

33:38.962 --> 33:48.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think about how much money to close, feed, and if my child is in any kind of activity, like there's no way that's going to cover it.

33:49.390 --> 33:56.735
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that there are people that do when you really think about it and how does that make sense?

33:56.875 --> 33:58.276
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think they sniff those people out.

33:58.316 --> 34:02.799
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's like if your heart's in the right place, your heart's more important than the way your house looks.

34:02.959 --> 34:05.001
[SPEAKER_03]: Obviously your house has the functionally be a certain way.

34:05.281 --> 34:07.203
[SPEAKER_03]: But the cool thing is when they come to your house,

34:08.323 --> 34:13.125
[SPEAKER_03]: They're just going to tell you, if there's issues with your house, they'll just tell you, okay, you need to fire extinguisher here.

34:13.165 --> 34:16.366
[SPEAKER_03]: You need to, uh, I am, you know, you don't have a fire hydrant.

34:16.646 --> 34:20.028
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, not a fire hydrant, no fire hydrant, no fire hydrant, no fire hydrant, no fire hydrant, as fun as that is.

34:20.068 --> 34:22.209
[SPEAKER_00]: You should just get a fake one and put it in your home.

34:22.509 --> 34:23.069
[SPEAKER_00]: That's awesome.

34:23.789 --> 34:26.210
[SPEAKER_00]: But they'll just tell you how to write up the gift.

34:26.230 --> 34:27.530
[SPEAKER_00]: They'll just tell you if it's messed up.

34:27.710 --> 34:31.231
[SPEAKER_03]: So if there's something wrong, they'll just tell you and they'll just give you a list and then you just go fix those things.

34:31.271 --> 34:34.452
[SPEAKER_03]: I think some people get like real worked up about that thinking, you know what I'm gonna have this right?

34:34.472 --> 34:40.353
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, well, if you're a heart's in the right place, like they recognize that and they'll just tell you, here's three things you need to change before we license you.

34:40.633 --> 34:42.033
[SPEAKER_03]: And then we'll just come back and check it again.

34:42.053 --> 34:43.174
[SPEAKER_03]: But that's like a home inspection.

34:43.214 --> 34:46.034
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're buying a house, they're gonna say, hey, there's four things.

34:46.074 --> 34:47.775
[SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't mean the house is not a good house.

34:48.155 --> 34:51.156
[SPEAKER_03]: It just means those four things need to get switched before you hide the house.

34:51.276 --> 34:51.536
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

34:52.656 --> 34:52.816
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

34:53.096 --> 34:53.517
[SPEAKER_02]: Good.

34:53.837 --> 34:54.237
[SPEAKER_00]: Good bounce.

34:54.517 --> 34:55.438
[SPEAKER_00]: Your house has good bounce.

34:55.638 --> 34:56.358
[SPEAKER_02]: Got a great bounce.

34:56.378 --> 34:58.579
[SPEAKER_02]: So, okay, so we've gone through the classes.

34:58.899 --> 34:59.680
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot there.

34:59.720 --> 35:01.481
[SPEAKER_02]: We've gone through some of the home study stuff.

35:01.501 --> 35:04.122
[SPEAKER_02]: And now we're getting ready to welcome the child into the home.

35:04.882 --> 35:09.825
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's another area where many people might feel like they need to be 100% prepared, but eat.

35:12.166 --> 35:13.727
[SPEAKER_02]: That's kind of not reality either.

35:14.007 --> 35:18.448
[SPEAKER_02]: Because there are times where you might not know what child you're bringing into the home.

35:18.468 --> 35:19.469
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you believe in you?

35:19.549 --> 35:20.709
[SPEAKER_01]: Come home with a baby?

35:20.789 --> 35:21.610
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I do.

35:21.650 --> 35:22.930
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that doesn't happen.

35:22.970 --> 35:24.431
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think that's ever happened.

35:24.471 --> 35:26.952
[SPEAKER_02]: So there might be a story about that somewhere.

35:27.032 --> 35:27.392
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.

35:27.412 --> 35:29.973
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you have to talk to that to that couple of you?

35:30.553 --> 35:32.954
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll have them on the podcast.

35:33.174 --> 35:34.394
[SPEAKER_02]: No, that's in the last podcast.

35:34.414 --> 35:35.255
[SPEAKER_02]: So go listen to it.

35:35.275 --> 35:36.075
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's amazing.

35:36.095 --> 35:39.356
[SPEAKER_02]: But talk through the process of welcoming them into the home now.

35:39.376 --> 35:42.017
[SPEAKER_02]: The child actually is coming into the home.

35:42.177 --> 35:48.780
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that there's a lot of examples that we know of where they arrive with absolutely nothing.

35:49.020 --> 35:51.060
[SPEAKER_02]: And so what are you doing that situation?

35:51.481 --> 35:51.741
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

35:51.821 --> 35:57.923
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I think one thing it's important to remember, too, is like when you're in the class, you essentially determine what

35:58.920 --> 36:05.525
[SPEAKER_03]: kind of, I don't want to say what kind of child you want, because that's not really what I mean, but you, you tell them I would like no children over the age of 10.

36:05.605 --> 36:06.005
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

36:06.085 --> 36:12.610
[SPEAKER_03]: You tell them I just want voice, that's an example, because maybe you have three sons and you're like, I don't, I don't know if girls would be a great fit.

36:12.630 --> 36:13.090
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

36:13.110 --> 36:15.392
[SPEAKER_03]: You could tell them I want kids between four and 12.

36:15.452 --> 36:17.734
[SPEAKER_03]: Now there's kind of going through sibling groups.

36:17.774 --> 36:21.096
[SPEAKER_03]: So I want to do I want one, special needs, something we could do.

36:21.136 --> 36:23.118
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think that's important to remember because that like,

36:23.678 --> 36:27.261
[SPEAKER_03]: naturally gives you some like practical preparedness to say for sure.

36:27.281 --> 36:27.481
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

36:27.521 --> 36:29.362
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm only taking kids under five.

36:29.802 --> 36:31.804
[SPEAKER_03]: So you don't have clothes for a 12 year old.

36:31.824 --> 36:33.405
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't have a bed for a 12 year old.

36:33.425 --> 36:35.166
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't have stuff that a teenager would want.

36:35.186 --> 36:37.028
[SPEAKER_03]: You just have stuff that's ready for five and under.

36:37.488 --> 36:42.311
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that part like the practical part of it, I think is really helpful to remember that.

36:42.572 --> 36:46.915
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I think some people think right now they're they're listening and they're thinking, well, I don't know what.

36:47.575 --> 36:59.645
[SPEAKER_03]: what I, what kid, what I get, what, what, no, you, if you go through the class and as you go through the class, you and your spouse discuss it and you become comfortable based on the genders of your kids, the ages and all that stuff.

36:59.825 --> 37:01.606
[SPEAKER_03]: But in terms of them, come into that counseling.

37:01.887 --> 37:02.067
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

37:02.207 --> 37:07.351
[SPEAKER_00]: But even then, like, I know that there's sometimes that you'll have a social worker and you say, you're like, okay, I only want five and under.

37:07.411 --> 37:09.733
[SPEAKER_00]: But you might still get a call that says, hey, yeah.

37:10.473 --> 37:34.637
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you said you only wanted five and under little girls, but we have a six-year-old little boy and he needs a home for a week, yeah, and that that happens, yeah, you know, and or a respite or something like that because let's be honest, we do not have enough battles, and so although you can prepare for that, what you should, you might get thrown a loop and it's just how open your heart is to and how flexible you are for that loop.

37:35.177 --> 37:38.038
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yes, prepare for everything, but also expect the unexpected.

37:39.118 --> 38:02.869
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's where one of the many areas where community is important and I think there were things that we didn't have and it's like you call, you know, your pastor up or your friend, hey do you have the thing we just we just got this kiddo and so I think that's where it's important to have community and support where people can help you and then run to Walmart if you need to.

38:06.470 --> 38:10.072
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, area, you kind of know what a kiddo might need.

38:10.112 --> 38:30.561
[SPEAKER_01]: So I know for some of our kids we would save and have tubs a clothes that they had worn or outgrown and so just kind of having which I don't know for me is a mom that's kind of fun to kind of prepare and and nest a little bit, you know there's kind of a nesting since for a foster mom or dad and so um.

38:31.061 --> 38:42.910
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that's kind of where our bags come in is trying to help with that transition for it because like let's say you get a kid at 11 o'clock at night, which is believe or not not rare or two kids 11 o'clock at night.

38:43.270 --> 38:51.677
[SPEAKER_00]: What you don't want to have to be doing is going through the, okay, I have to get this essential and this essential and this toothbrush should make sure they have jammies and something to wash them with.

38:52.177 --> 38:58.684
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's so impactful for not only you guys, but the trial to be able to go, okay, we have these things.

38:58.724 --> 38:59.965
[SPEAKER_00]: We know you have these things.

39:00.345 --> 39:02.267
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's focus on that emotional health.

39:02.427 --> 39:07.752
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's focus on how you're actually doing and how this this day is because let's just be honest.

39:07.772 --> 39:08.553
[SPEAKER_00]: They're having a bad day.

39:08.833 --> 39:09.634
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

39:09.814 --> 39:20.521
[SPEAKER_00]: And we found when provided with those essentials, not only is the social worker able to focus on emotional health better because otherwise they're running to a warehouse trying to get something for a some kind of change.

39:21.062 --> 39:26.305
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the child feels more love because all of a sudden they have more value than this trash bag full of stuff.

39:26.646 --> 39:32.610
[SPEAKER_00]: But then you guys with that training are able to take that and go, okay, we can worry about those things tomorrow or in two days.

39:33.611 --> 39:42.822
[SPEAKER_00]: And so like we have found that it helps with the bonding, the initial bonding and in helping with that it actually helps with placement longevity.

39:43.223 --> 39:47.648
[SPEAKER_00]: And so yes, absolutely prepare because we're planning we don't make enough bags for everyone yet.

39:47.748 --> 39:48.850
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyways, we're working on it.

39:49.430 --> 40:03.421
[SPEAKER_00]: But what that impact has and like what we're trying to achieve a care package in bound is is that longevity of placement and supporting not only the child, but also the foster parents and hopefully that emotional connection that you can get with those.

40:03.561 --> 40:10.006
[SPEAKER_01]: Which you know as I was looking back on our training just thinking of you know when a kid comes into your home.

40:11.518 --> 40:33.876
[SPEAKER_01]: they don't know often why I'm not it why am I here I'm not at home did I do something wrong and if you just really like start to unpack those thoughts of what's going on through the kids head I mean that can do you know the importance of being able to emotionally connect with them and support them and not have to worry about going in the store is huge you know it's just heartbreaking to think

40:35.097 --> 40:57.194
[SPEAKER_03]: They might not even know why they're there and they miss their parents and yeah, so it's gigantic and I also think even more for a mom I don't know if that makes sense, but moms are Lean towards like that that practical provision of close food, et cetera And so I think even for Nicole like just thinking about what you were talking about I can't a Nicole would have been

40:57.934 --> 41:01.236
[SPEAKER_03]: much more comfortable and it would be much easier for her to bond.

41:01.316 --> 41:14.001
[SPEAKER_03]: I think with our foster kids that that was harder for her even just having something like a backpack Because the dad is usually gonna be the one who's like, okay, I'll just hang out here while you go to Walmart and it's like well that is like two hours It's like the first two hours.

41:14.241 --> 41:21.344
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, kind of like when you have a baby They don't put the baby on the dad usually right and put the baby on the chest of the mama.

41:21.544 --> 41:23.925
[SPEAKER_03]: That's where it starts and and so I think even

41:24.545 --> 41:30.388
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, the emotional standpoint, there was some bonding stuff that was harder for Nicole than for me.

41:30.468 --> 41:37.732
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think part of that was just her natural affinity to provide the practical things that they needed.

41:38.312 --> 41:42.014
[SPEAKER_03]: To be able to live and have clothes and feel comfortable and all those things.

41:42.894 --> 41:48.158
[SPEAKER_03]: And even if they're not coming from their bio family, like our kids came from another foster care house.

41:48.458 --> 41:57.404
[SPEAKER_03]: And for sure, our oldest felt like he had done something wrong that he was moving from one foster care family to another family.

41:57.684 --> 42:01.646
[SPEAKER_03]: And so that's, I mean, it's a real thing for those kids that they feel like that.

42:01.766 --> 42:05.249
[SPEAKER_03]: And they might prepare him, but it's still

42:05.789 --> 42:09.712
[SPEAKER_00]: And they might not even have what they need moving from home to home within the foster care system.

42:10.012 --> 42:14.475
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's not always that people get this, you know, villainizing point of view with that.

42:14.495 --> 42:16.517
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, oh, the old foster parents kept all their stuff.

42:16.597 --> 42:17.257
[SPEAKER_00]: Not necessarily.

42:17.297 --> 42:24.583
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes it takes time to get those items to them or sometimes there's so many different scenarios that we couldn't even go through all of them.

42:25.063 --> 42:32.174
[SPEAKER_00]: But like just having the ability to rest and going, I'm taking care of for this point of time, or they're taking care for this point of time.

42:32.194 --> 42:35.599
[SPEAKER_00]: And you just made an amazing point talking about how they put them on the mom.

42:35.619 --> 42:37.062
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember when my babies were born,

42:38.086 --> 42:41.628
[SPEAKER_00]: They lay them on my chest, and my first thoughts were, what color are they?

42:41.688 --> 42:42.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Do they have all their fingers and toes?

42:42.989 --> 42:43.910
[SPEAKER_00]: Or are they pulled?

42:44.330 --> 42:46.691
[SPEAKER_00]: And literally, and it's exactly that, like caring for them.

42:46.711 --> 42:48.752
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, okay, I have to feed them, and I have to warm them.

42:49.453 --> 42:50.954
[SPEAKER_00]: And you don't think about the other things.

42:50.974 --> 42:55.496
[SPEAKER_00]: You're immediately thought process is how do I take care of this incredibly fragile human?

42:56.077 --> 42:56.377
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

42:56.497 --> 42:58.898
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I think my husband's first thing was to guard the door.

42:58.918 --> 43:00.339
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

43:00.399 --> 43:04.542
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, please officer, he's like, no, I'm going to make sure that my family's safe.

43:05.282 --> 43:13.828
[SPEAKER_00]: And like you think of providing safety and stability and the mother is thinking about, hey, how do I make sure that the little tiny needs are taking care of?

43:14.709 --> 43:18.552
[SPEAKER_00]: It's part of how we are wired as human beings, right?

43:18.852 --> 43:26.458
[SPEAKER_00]: But it is, it's hard to take that bonding when you have to go away from that baby to be able to take care of it or child, you know?

43:26.478 --> 43:28.959
[SPEAKER_03]: Because it's a dad, you're like, oh, what do you like to do?

43:29.880 --> 43:32.001
[SPEAKER_03]: You're like, you've been here for 10 minutes.

43:32.041 --> 43:33.262
[SPEAKER_03]: You're like, do you like to play soccer?

43:33.302 --> 43:34.523
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, let's go kick a soccer ball.

43:34.543 --> 43:37.644
[SPEAKER_03]: Do you like to shoot baskets and then the mom's like, do we have enough things for lunch?

43:37.845 --> 43:39.065
[SPEAKER_03]: Do we have their clothes for tomorrow?

43:39.105 --> 43:40.266
[SPEAKER_03]: How many pairs of shoes do they have?

43:40.286 --> 43:41.967
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, that's going through the mom's hands tonight.

43:42.007 --> 43:45.669
[SPEAKER_00]: But like, let's not underestimate like the importance of a dad and that role.

43:45.809 --> 43:48.991
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, my husband, I used to joke around that I didn't like,

43:49.411 --> 43:50.971
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it, it, it, itty bitty babies.

43:51.011 --> 43:53.972
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't see quite the importance of the husband as that protective things.

43:53.992 --> 43:59.953
[SPEAKER_00]: But when I get a little bit older, I remember taking my kids out, we were at a devil's tower or something like that.

44:00.713 --> 44:05.114
[SPEAKER_00]: And my daughter was, I think, six, and a devil's power tower, they have these boulder fields.

44:05.174 --> 44:07.434
[SPEAKER_00]: And this literally boulders on top of boulders on boulders.

44:08.175 --> 44:13.756
[SPEAKER_00]: And my husband told my six-year-old daughter, here, jump from that boulder to that boulder over there.

44:13.876 --> 44:14.416
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm thinking,

44:15.676 --> 44:17.777
[SPEAKER_03]: And then she, this is bad, you know.

44:18.237 --> 44:20.918
[SPEAKER_03]: But he told me he's like, she needs to know she can.

44:21.819 --> 44:22.059
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

44:22.119 --> 44:24.039
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's such an importance in dad.

44:24.079 --> 44:33.823
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I told him, I was like, I'm gonna walk away with our four-year-old and you're going to return my daughter to me as unnamed as possible, you know?

44:34.244 --> 44:34.784
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't.

44:34.944 --> 44:42.547
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, but after what she did, she had so much more confidence and so like, so like, I just telling that story, it is important to have dads in these roles.

44:42.927 --> 44:44.248
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, that's throwing that ball,

44:45.328 --> 44:54.793
[SPEAKER_00]: That's might be the thing that helps them release that guard, you know, and like both mothers and fathers are so important in these families and so on.

44:54.813 --> 44:58.255
[SPEAKER_03]: For sure, but the lunch they're about to have after that is really important.

44:58.295 --> 44:59.876
[SPEAKER_03]: Exactly, they both have about it.

44:59.896 --> 45:02.317
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're gonna go to bed in a clean sheets and stuff like that.

45:02.357 --> 45:04.658
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's mom, that's mom doing that undercurrent.

45:05.079 --> 45:07.840
[SPEAKER_00]: And dad's doing like, hey, let's open up and talk.

45:07.980 --> 45:09.781
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so important for both of them.

45:10.001 --> 45:10.402
[SPEAKER_00]: For sure.

45:10.742 --> 45:10.962
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

45:11.522 --> 45:21.909
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think to that point, though, just to those listening that might be single, it's still looking to foster, yeah, does it mean you're disqualified?

45:21.929 --> 45:24.230
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, like still run into it, right?

45:24.370 --> 45:29.894
[SPEAKER_02]: Like if you have a heart to be able to just love on on children, it's not about you, it's about them.

45:30.154 --> 45:32.495
[SPEAKER_02]: I would still challenge them to take the classes.

45:32.615 --> 45:33.456
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's a good thing.

45:33.516 --> 45:34.396
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that's a good thing.

45:34.436 --> 45:35.557
[SPEAKER_03]: The sun was on our soccer team.

45:35.577 --> 45:35.757
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

45:35.997 --> 45:38.159
[SPEAKER_03]: And they just, they just moved, but he had two foster boys.

45:38.359 --> 45:39.039
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, he was just single.

45:39.059 --> 45:39.680
[SPEAKER_03]: He was awesome.

45:40.160 --> 45:45.925
[SPEAKER_03]: Super, super nice, love the kids, hard kids, hard kids, the love, challenging kids to a certain degree.

45:45.945 --> 45:48.228
[SPEAKER_03]: He was great, by himself, just doing it solo.

45:48.428 --> 45:50.350
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's why the village is important though.

45:50.690 --> 45:54.914
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a couple of friends that are foster parents, and they've just really leaned into that village.

45:55.454 --> 46:00.019
[SPEAKER_00]: Because, yes, all of those points are incredibly important, but it doesn't mean that you have to do it alone.

46:00.559 --> 46:04.423
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, that goes into stepping up, taking those classes, being informed.

46:04.603 --> 46:05.184
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because...

46:05.724 --> 46:18.850
[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, it can feel a little isolating and lonely at times because we didn't have a lot of friends that fostered and people sometimes don't understand what that looks like.

46:19.110 --> 46:22.212
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think it's so important to have that community because it's good.

46:22.232 --> 46:30.576
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes people who aren't as passionate about it, it's kind of foreign and scary to them and it can be lonely sometimes.

46:30.636 --> 46:53.635
[SPEAKER_03]: yeah it's like talking to your friend about sports who doesn't like sports and they're like they're listening to you but it's like you can tell they don't really know what you're saying you don't really like your wife or your wife about something or your wife's talking to you about gardening like Nicole doesn't I'm listening I don't really know it tastes good when it comes in the house yeah all the other stuff in between I don't really care you know the foster care it's like that and I remember there's a couple couples in our life they didn't

46:54.636 --> 46:57.618
[SPEAKER_03]: No, but they just listened and I thought that was really important.

46:57.698 --> 47:04.861
[SPEAKER_03]: And they weren't judgmental and they didn't necessarily give you a lot of advice, but I thought they were just good listeners, which is a huge value.

47:04.941 --> 47:13.966
[SPEAKER_03]: So like just if you have people you know who are who are foster parents, man, just listen to them, just sit with them and just understand that it is really difficult and hard.

47:14.766 --> 47:17.347
[SPEAKER_03]: And just being able to listen to him is just an amazing gift.

47:17.367 --> 47:20.629
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't have to solve all the problems, but just now be there.

47:20.949 --> 47:24.791
[SPEAKER_00]: And look at him like they're weird.

47:24.811 --> 47:26.131
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.

47:26.251 --> 47:28.632
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's not because you're a foster man.

47:29.333 --> 47:30.593
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a joke with our friends.

47:30.613 --> 47:32.754
[SPEAKER_01]: We went on a vacation to Florida.

47:33.014 --> 47:34.775
[SPEAKER_01]: And these are all our best friends from college.

47:34.955 --> 47:37.656
[SPEAKER_01]: And we had our three foster kiddos and our bio kid.

47:37.716 --> 47:39.077
[SPEAKER_01]: And they all had one baby.

47:39.737 --> 47:41.058
[SPEAKER_01]: And we still look back.

47:41.818 --> 47:43.941
[SPEAKER_01]: And laugh, but we got put in house.

47:43.981 --> 47:46.944
[SPEAKER_01]: They all stayed in the big house with their one baby.

47:46.984 --> 47:49.026
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're in this house with our four kids.

47:49.046 --> 47:49.927
[SPEAKER_03]: It was not a house.

47:50.007 --> 47:51.468
[SPEAKER_03]: It was like a shack.

47:51.489 --> 47:53.050
[SPEAKER_03]: We had to put our luggage on the porch.

47:53.130 --> 47:54.372
[SPEAKER_03]: It's all my favorites.

47:54.732 --> 47:56.193
[SPEAKER_01]: OK, you guys are out there.

47:56.214 --> 47:57.875
[SPEAKER_01]: We still laugh about it.

47:57.895 --> 47:59.857
[SPEAKER_01]: But they're trying their hardest to work.

48:00.518 --> 48:02.539
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we've covered a lot today.

48:02.619 --> 48:03.640
[SPEAKER_02]: So thank you for that.

48:03.840 --> 48:07.882
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think that there's more that I'd love to hear as we kind of wrap up into that call to action.

48:08.122 --> 48:11.184
[SPEAKER_02]: It is that I'm ready to take that step.

48:11.684 --> 48:13.885
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think the step is really important.

48:14.186 --> 48:20.009
[SPEAKER_02]: And I hope that there are those that are very stirred on this episode and encouraged to take that step.

48:20.029 --> 48:24.211
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a movie, Sound of Hope, Possible Drawing.

48:24.391 --> 48:26.072
[SPEAKER_02]: My wife and I watched that.

48:26.132 --> 48:27.633
[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't really like the moment.

48:28.013 --> 48:30.355
[SPEAKER_02]: movie recommendations, but that is a high recommend.

48:31.056 --> 48:33.878
[SPEAKER_02]: And there was a challenge at the end, it's based on a true story.

48:34.779 --> 48:42.124
[SPEAKER_02]: And just just from a data perspective, there are, this is interesting to me, there are 332,000 Protestant Christian churches in the United States.

48:42.345 --> 48:45.187
[SPEAKER_02]: There are 331,000 kids in the system right now and about 70,000 of those looking to be adopted.

48:55.415 --> 49:04.382
[SPEAKER_02]: That means that not even one family out of every church, if they were to step up, I mean, statistically, like we could make such a big difference.

49:05.503 --> 49:07.684
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I want to challenge those listening.

49:07.704 --> 49:08.004
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

49:08.045 --> 49:09.085
[SPEAKER_02]: What would you say to that?

49:09.906 --> 49:20.334
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, and I'm going to tie this in with the question that we ask at the end of every episode of this episode where a backpack what would you want somebody taking away carrying away from this conversation?

49:20.894 --> 49:37.531
[SPEAKER_01]: I have two things real quick, one I always hope people you can do more than you think you can and you can handle more than you think you can and number two, you can change lives doing this generations of families.

49:37.591 --> 49:42.617
[SPEAKER_01]: We just met a kid last weekend who was refing a football game, been got to talking to him.

49:43.137 --> 49:50.602
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was in the foster system, many homes, and he was like, and here he is, he's going to be a lineman.

49:50.682 --> 49:52.023
[SPEAKER_01]: He was refing football.

49:52.043 --> 49:52.724
[SPEAKER_01]: School lineman, yeah.

49:53.124 --> 49:54.325
[SPEAKER_01]: Electrical lineman.

49:54.345 --> 50:00.209
[SPEAKER_01]: And just to see like his confidence, and he was like, my dad adopted me, and he changed my life.

50:00.670 --> 50:03.271
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, I was very humbled by that.

50:03.371 --> 50:08.155
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can do more than you think you can, and you can change lives doing this.

50:09.452 --> 50:16.154
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and it's one of the great failures of the American church, unfortunately, is that everybody likes to talk about doing things for the least of these.

50:16.714 --> 50:21.955
[SPEAKER_03]: But probably the largest group of least of these in America is probably foster kids, honestly.

50:22.315 --> 50:35.158
[SPEAKER_03]: So a lot of things that get more play, there's a lot of protests and things that go on that get more attention, but foster kids are probably the largest group of least of these that if you are an American Christian and you believe in Jesus,

50:36.167 --> 50:41.608
[SPEAKER_03]: That's there is probably not a group of people that you could better serve than kids who are in foster care.

50:41.629 --> 50:49.511
[SPEAKER_03]: And so the action step would be log on, go on KBC's website, go on corner certain to care website, do a Google search and go start the process.

50:49.551 --> 50:51.471
[SPEAKER_03]: Fill out an application, don't overthink it.

50:51.651 --> 50:52.552
[SPEAKER_03]: Obviously pray about it.

50:52.692 --> 50:54.132
[SPEAKER_03]: Obviously discuss it with your spouse.

50:54.712 --> 51:05.638
[SPEAKER_03]: or if you're single, discuss it with your best friends, whatever, but just go take the steps to start that process by filling out the application or doing a home study or going to the classes, does it mean you're going to have seven kids at your house?

51:05.698 --> 51:06.538
[SPEAKER_03]: That's not what it means.

51:06.859 --> 51:11.081
[SPEAKER_03]: It means that you were just starting the process of where God would be able to use you and whatever that means.

51:11.121 --> 51:13.442
[SPEAKER_03]: And it might mean you just have one foster care child.

51:13.642 --> 51:18.385
[SPEAKER_03]: It might mean you're just a respite individual who just helps people on the weekends, like once or twice a month.

51:19.005 --> 51:32.632
[SPEAKER_03]: But just go take those steps and take the fear out of your mind and just lay it before the Lord and know that, hey, 50 years from now, 100 years from now, I seriously doubt that you're going to regret that decision and that opportunity to change in impact lives.

51:33.372 --> 51:33.712
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.

51:33.792 --> 51:45.098
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that we talked a lot about getting ready and, of course, we talk about funding and ways that people can help and I think that my main thing is, in the last couple of weeks, we've built.

51:46.466 --> 51:48.627
[SPEAKER_00]: 600 and 30 bags that's good.

51:48.687 --> 51:50.007
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, which is amazing.

51:50.027 --> 51:53.628
[SPEAKER_00]: And we just got another 210 of them out this actually yesterday.

51:54.068 --> 51:55.449
[SPEAKER_00]: So like really amazing.

51:55.469 --> 51:59.310
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that we talked a little bit about how everyone can help in some way.

52:00.270 --> 52:05.872
[SPEAKER_00]: Specifically with us is like we need people to step up and help funding because you want to make a difference.

52:05.892 --> 52:06.952
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't necessarily.

52:07.732 --> 52:10.814
[SPEAKER_00]: Go ahead and and be a respite person or thing like that.

52:10.834 --> 52:30.865
[SPEAKER_00]: You can still make small differences big differences The one that's specifically on mine right mind right now is like we need four more large packing events before they end of this year to get paid for And if you can't do that then you can go on and you can sponsor one kid and you can make a difference in that one kid And it's again, it's not about you.

52:31.065 --> 52:33.507
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about what this child needs at that time.

52:33.527 --> 52:33.567
[SPEAKER_00]: So

52:35.067 --> 52:45.789
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I guess it's kind of a shameless plug is talking about like yeah, we need we need people to step up We need those people to come and help with funding because as much fun as it is when people are like oh my gosh I'm so glad you do that.

52:45.829 --> 52:46.489
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not free.

52:46.869 --> 52:57.631
[SPEAKER_00]: It's never free any of the things that we do isn't free We still live in this world, you know, and so I think that's my big thing is like making sure that you take the appropriate step That you can take right now.

52:57.731 --> 52:59.612
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't sit back and be like man.

53:00.012 --> 53:01.672
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope somebody does something about that

53:01.872 --> 53:19.635
[SPEAKER_00]: Remember that you are somebody and like I like to think about the fact that I felt that so deeply and thinking oh, but I'm not that somebody somebody else know you are somebody go do that one thing that you can do right now

53:20.558 --> 53:23.600
[SPEAKER_03]: There's a lot of people right in checks for people to play sports in college.

53:23.940 --> 53:30.583
[SPEAKER_03]: They might take a little bit of that money and write a check to care package and pound somewhere else where they can help change lives in a very dramatic way.

53:30.923 --> 53:33.465
[SPEAKER_03]: That kid is probably going to play sports in college no matter what.

53:33.485 --> 53:37.186
[SPEAKER_03]: So you could take your money and give it to the University of Kansas and give it to care back at Jim Bound.

53:37.246 --> 53:38.207
[SPEAKER_03]: Exactly.

53:38.227 --> 53:42.249
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like how are we getting into the original DNA of these kids?

53:42.289 --> 53:44.470
[SPEAKER_00]: How are we getting into that first mindset?

53:45.050 --> 53:46.051
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we're doing.

53:46.071 --> 53:48.012
[SPEAKER_00]: We're changing the first moments, you know?

53:48.712 --> 53:53.357
[SPEAKER_00]: And in the long term, like, how does that ripple effect and snowball throughout their whole life?

53:54.098 --> 53:57.302
[SPEAKER_00]: And we would like to think that that really does make that difference.

53:57.782 --> 54:03.729
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, yeah, that's, I guess my thing for today is, do the thing that somebody should do?

54:05.110 --> 54:05.651
[SPEAKER_01]: That's good.

54:05.671 --> 54:06.231
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.

54:08.028 --> 54:08.228
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

54:08.368 --> 54:09.469
[SPEAKER_02]: Take that first step, right?

54:09.749 --> 54:13.512
[SPEAKER_02]: Like many people, it's it's so hard to just take that first step.

54:13.873 --> 54:19.537
[SPEAKER_02]: And that first step honestly for a lot of people might just be logging on to a website and might just be listening to this podcast.

54:19.637 --> 54:19.957
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

54:20.037 --> 54:25.962
[SPEAKER_02]: Or sending this to somebody who's like thought about it and like this is the first step is just awareness.

54:26.382 --> 54:29.244
[SPEAKER_02]: And awareness though, I think needs to lead to action.

54:30.225 --> 54:31.386
[SPEAKER_02]: And so do something.

54:31.606 --> 54:33.768
[SPEAKER_02]: I guess would be my take away from this.

54:34.468 --> 54:36.471
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, Ben and Nicole, thank you so much for being here.

54:36.511 --> 54:37.291
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me give you a hug.

54:37.391 --> 54:38.372
[SPEAKER_02]: So much to you.

54:38.413 --> 54:38.973
[SPEAKER_02]: It's amazing.

54:39.133 --> 54:43.978
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys, if this conversation starts something in you, don't ignore it.

54:44.779 --> 54:47.102
[SPEAKER_02]: Awareness changes little action transforms.

54:47.822 --> 54:51.346
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll see you next time packed with purpose where every backpack tells the story.

54:51.907 --> 54:52.187
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye-bye.